i woke up a little before 2:00pm last Saturday, got myself together and went out.
there were chores to attend to.
the first stop of the day was over to the motorcycle dealership where i got my TITScycle.
one of the reflective nuts that held my temporary license plate in place fell off somewhere along the way because i guess i didn't tighten it enough and motorcycles vibrate and i didn't know where else to get a replacement.
i presented myself to the Parts Department who sent me back to Service who didn't have any to sell because that's Parts' job, so they just gave me one.
thanks, guys.
then, while i was there i ran into Jimmy, the motherfucker who sold me my TITScycle.
he greeted me with a big smile and gave me a big, enthusiastic handshake because i'm his sucker and he wanted to let me know “hey, dummy, i really got one over on you!”
right, fuck you, Jimmy.
i asked Jimmy if the license plate for my motorcycle had come in yet because the Dealership was responsible for getting it for me.
they were supposed to call me when it was ready but they didn't, but i figured i would ask anyway.
my license plate was there, sitting in a filing cabinet in the back.

next stop was over to the Wal-Mart.
it had been several weeks since the last supply run and the house was running low on all sorts of stuff.
over the course of the next fifty minutes i bumbled around that horrible store, trying to figure out where they kept the Fabreze and water filters and light bulbs and the specific kind of face wash the PSE likes.
it was a fucking challenge.
Wal-Mart is a hellish dystopia for almost everybody whos parents are high school graduates but i am especially unsuited for the shopping experience they provide.
i have a hard time trying to figure out where everything is, stores are never organized the way i would guess they should be, and i need somebody to hold my hand an show me where everything is.
good luck trying to find somebody in Wal-Mart to help you find anything you are looking for.
good luck trying to find somebody in Wal-Mart to acknowledge that you're a human being.
i stood around in the Housewares section for no less then thirteen minutes looking up and down each aisle trying to find a blue vest to show me where the bookends are but i didn't see anybody on duty.
but, try to walk out of the store with a ten dollar pair of slippers on your feet and a half dozen security goons will pounce on you, i know from personal experience.
eventually i saw somebody on the other side of Electronics so i ran them down and brought them back to Housewares to show me where the fuck they kept their bookends but they weren't anywhere to be found.
they weren't in Stationary, either, so my books back at the apartment are going to remain crooked.

the same employee i hunted down showed me where the light-bulbs are kept but i was surprised to find that they didn't have the swirly ones anymore.
there was an entire aisle of light bulbs of all different kinds, but they were all the traditional lightbulb-shaped kind, not swirly.
if i recall correctly [and i almost-always recall correctly] the transition from traditional light bulbs to swirly was a flash-point in the Culture War in the early days of the Obama Administration.
the Obama Administration decided that swirly light bulbs are more energy efficient and Republicans decided “fuck that communist Muslim” and refused to go along with the change out of pure reactionary spite.
well, it's been years since i've been light bulb shopping [on account of how efficient the swirly ones are, i guess] but it seems that Conservatives have somehow won that battle and now it's back to the traditional kind.
all things considered i'd rather have more-wasteful light bulbs if it means the Gays can get married, but still, it seems like a weird pendulum swing.
i guess swirly light bulbs went out with the Obama Administration, like my healthcare.
i made that joke at the register but it hit a little too close to home for the Black lady scanning my items.
my bill at the Wal-Mart came to $135.74, somehow.

next stop on my big Chore Run was over to a guy who deals in auto glass.
on the three-hour drive from Austin back up to Fort Worth after she got out of the Drug Study the PSE took a rock to her windshield and chipped the glass.
i spent a good hour calling up all the autoglass shops in town [there were way more then i imagine are necessary] and got price quotes ranging from $180 to $430 dollars to replace the windshield.
the PSE's Wagon has a special kind of rain sensor that apparently requires being connected to a special windshield, though, really, i think the real variable is that these people are just making up numbers out of their ass.
the PSE did some research and found two Groupon deals for windshield replacements, one offering “75% Off!!!” but those motherfuckers just took seventy-five percent off of $700 so it wasn't worth it.
in the end it looked like we were going to have to pay $180 to get the PSE's window replaced but then i found a guy who agreed to just fix the chip for $30.
there was some question about whether he would be able to do it or not depending on if the chip was the size of a dime, quarter or half-dollar but, he solved our problem for us in the end.
thanks, old man. that's a bullet dodged.
i spent the twenty minutes while he worked sitting in his tiny office reading an article in Rolling Stone Magazine [there was no Newsweek or even a Time] about Michael Jackson's daughter.
why? what did she do? why is she noteworthy except for having a talented dead pederast for a father?
does she have any talents of her own? did she molest any children? the article did not say.

after the windshield repair man i drove over to the Central Market for a food resupply mission.
the PSE and i were pretty much out of food in the house because while the PSE was away in the Drug Study i didn't do any significant shopping.
shopping at the Central Market is the exact opposite experience of shopping at the Wal-Mart.
the Central Market is always full of nice, attractive people and friendly employees ready, willing and able to help me find what i'm looking for.
which is fortunate because i require a lot of hand-holding, however, the PSE makes efforts to make it easier for me.
the PSE sent me off with a shopping list divided into sections, produce, meat, pantry and dairy, with the items listed in order that i would encounter them, based on my usual clockwise path through the store.
if i still got lost along the way, which i did in Produce looking for Rambutans, and in Pantry looking for rice vermicelli, there was always friendly and helpful staff less then thirty feet away.
one jolly fella with a bow tie just couldn't stop chuckling with delight at the opportunity to help me find the rice wine vinegar and another pretty girl has become an old friend, helping me find grocery items for the better part of the past year.
that's how you run a goddamned store.

in the Produce Section, a little girl in front of me shopping with her dad went and got herself a bag full of something called 'cotton candy grapes.'
the looked just like regular green grapes just in a pink bag, and i wouldn't have paid them any mind but when i noticed the girl's enthusiasm for them and saw they were called 'cotton candy,' i had to try one.
and sure enough, holy shit, they taste just like cotton candy.
they were 'organic,' too, not the product of injection of food chemicals manufactured off the New Jersey Turnpike.
somewhere, some food sorcerer was able to get grapes to mate with cotton candy, somehow.

i didn't need anything from the bread department, but i always like to cruise through there before check-out to nibble on some free samples.
as i was buttering some artisanal rosemary bread one of my Law School buddies Team Morales pulled up her cart alongside my own with a “hey, stranger!”
we pulled over into a corner to get out of the way of the Saturday shopping crowd and chit-chatted for a while about how our Summers were going.
i told her i was taking a Family Law class and she told me about her internship where they pay her an obscene amount of money.
she got that internship because she is the #7th ranked student in our year. or, she was after Fall Semester. after Spring, she rose up to #5. i cussed at her cheerfully.
i also went up in my Law School ranking, but not like that.
anyways, after a few minutes Team Morales told me she was thinking of having a back-to-school party sometime around mid-August and she would love to invite me.
she said she looked for me on Face Book, but she figured i was not a Face Book kind of cunt.
she said she would e-mail me an invitation and i told her i would look forward to it, but i don't, really.

the bill at check-out at the Central market was $107.10.
that bought us enough supplies to make five meals; spring salad with chicken, Thai red curry stew, meatballs, chicken with roasted red pepper and hamburgers.
the hamburgers were a last minute call when i saw the Central Market was having a sale, buy meat, get fancy ketchup and fancy mustard and a jar of pickles for free.
can't turn that down.
back at the house, the PSE and i made some of the better burgers i've ever had in my life on Portuguese sweet roles with a warm bacon, honey and chili slaw.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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