xtitsx: (Default)
( 26 Jan 2017 05:56 pm)
the PSE has been unemployed for about two months now.
she quit her job working at a Ramen Restaurant near the end of November so that she could focus on more important pursuits like playing on her computer, re-watching True Blood and farting into the couch cushions.
in between all of that, though, the PSE has found the time to be crafty.
not crafty enough to justify the time expenditure, i very well could have bought myself dozens of new t-shirts with the money the PSE could have made had she been working a job all this time, but, i prefer my cloths bespoke and the PSE prefers to be out of work, so, this is where we are.

New T-Shirts:
my normal modus opperendi is to wear the same t-shirt every day for two or three weeks until it starts to stink real bad or it gets food on it.
changing your cloths is for fancy cunts who like to show off.
but when i started Law School i decided that i would be a fancy cunt and try to show off by putting on a different shirt for every class in a week.
make my classmates think “look at that motherfucker! he owns more then one shirt!!!”
a concession to the demands of professionalism.
the problem, however, is that i only have so many shirts.

i currently own eleven shirts, but i only like to wear seven of them.
why do you keep four shirts that you don't like to wear?
i don't know, sentiment.
of those seven shirts that i like to wear one is a tank-top that probably isn't appropriate to wear in class and another had a great big hole where my left nipple hangs out.
good taste has to draw a line somewhere.
another shirt is older then most of my classmates and tattered with dozens of holes like i've been shot.
i still wear that one, good taste be damned, but i would be surprised if it survives many more rounds with the washing machine.
four of my shirts are stenciled with my likeness.
that's my style. self promotion.
if Perry Ellis and Calvin Cline and Levi Strauss can do it, why can't i?
but, all of the shirts are of old-TITS, with glasses and short hair.
it's so bad that one day last semester, of my classmates mentioned “that guy on your shirt kinda looks like you...”
yeah, dummy, that's the point.
so the PSE had to sit down and crank out another few shirts based on the way i look post-Operation John Stamos.
she did one as a stencil and one as a photo-transfer with some special paper she got at the Fabric Store that reacts with the sun.
she had to spend hours with the photo transfer paper out in direct sunlight.
we have a balcony but all the stuff wouldn't fit out there so she had to do some of it out in the parking lot.
on two different occasions, two different people walking through the parking lot tried to make off with the shirts, transfer paper and all, and the PSE and i had to chase them off.
“what!?!” they acted all confused, “oh, this is yours!?! oh!?! here you go...”
fucking criminal scum.
these dirtbags can't possibly want to wear a t-shirt with my picture on it, they're just stealing just to steal.
 TITSfashion

another one of the t-shirts that i've been wearing on a weakly basis is stenciled with the Dog's likeness.
but the Dog has been dead and gone for over twenty-two months now. it is time to move on.
Monster is my best friend now, and she deserves to be honored with a shirt of her own.
Monsterfashion

Pajama Bottoms:
several weeks ago the PSE was at the fabric store and she called to see if i wanted pajama bottoms made of fabric featuring different kinds of dogs.
she was going to get it but then had a second thought that maybe it would be a bit much.
i told her “naw, go ahead and get it” because why not, and she did, then set herself to making me a pair of new pajama bottoms to wear around the house.
i think her instinct was right, the pajamas are a little much, i feel silly walking the Monster around the apartment complex during daylight hours, but, whatever, fuck it, i like dogs.
pajamers

Monster Cloths:
the Monster doesn't have as much fur as she needs for the winter.
Dog had a beautiful coat, a thick double-coat of coarse under-fur and a fluffy outer coat.
Dog was a Lhasa Apso, built for the Himalayan mountains and, appropriately, she didn't really need any winter outfits.
the Dog would go bounding through the cold weather, snow and all, not a problem in the world.
the PSE made her a jacket for when we would take her on walks in the rain in Portland, but the Dog did not care for it and, regular readers may recall, the Dog did not suffer indignities gently.
the Monster is the opposite in both temperament and need.
the Monster is a Shih Tzu/ Yorkshire Terrier and even though both Shih Tzus and Yorkshire Terriers evolved in colder-weather climates, the Monster has a very thin single coat of fur.
when we first got her, we were afraid she might have alopecia.
we have subsequently gotten used to the Monster's less-then-fluffy coat, but, now that Winter is upon us, we needed to dress the Monster accordingly.
the PSE read somewhere that the ears of Yorkies can freeze right off and that's a horror we hope to avoid.

the PSE made the monster an adorable little sweatshirt that makes her look like Trayvon Martin.
we're thinking of training her to carry a pack of Skittles in her mouth for next Halloween.
the Monster wears her little Trayvon hoodie like a champ.
she doesn't fuss or snarl or bite when we dress her in it because she doesn't fuss or snarl or bite at all.
Monster doesn't even seem to mind wearing the outfit, she just goes on about her buisness with it on like it's no big deal.
Monster is a good fucking dog.
a good fucking dog!

New Briefcase:
last semester, i carried my books to Law School in a leather satchel bag i bought from a thrift store back when i was student-teaching.
when i was doing my undergraduate studies, i used to take my books to school in a bag i made out of an army surplus gas mask bag, but in Law School i have too many books for the bag to accommodate.
i do not like the leather satchel bag because A) it's leather and B) it's ugly, so i asked the PSE to set herself to making me an acceptable solution.
the PSE bought a bunch of canvass and cut it out into a briefcase-shaped pattern and sewed it all together.
then she put it in the washing machine before she planned on dying it because it was tan and nobody wants a tan bag.
when she got the bag out of the dryer eighty minutes later it had shrunk to about three-quarters of its original size.
always pre-wash your fabrics, idiots.
the PSE had to go back and start from scratch, cutting out the briefcase-shaped patterns and sewing it all together again.
but this time her heart wasn't in it and it took the better part of a month of me nagging her before the PSE would work on it again.
the inside of the bag is lined with a pattern of my name and face that the PSE made with that same sun-activated photo transfer paper.
subtle touches are what distinguish fine craftsmanship.
and, when you're putting your name and face on everything you own, this is about as subtle as the PSE and i get.
TITScase

Lunch Sack:
Tuesdays and Thursdays i am in school from 8:30am to 3:20pm.
that's a long fucking day and i should probably eat something at some point.
some days i can find some sandwiches or pizza that the school has decided to feed us for some reason, but other days i'm shit out of luck.
unfortunately, i very rarely know which days are free lunch days and which aren't so i figured i ought to bring myself a lunch to school just in case.
i am not a take-your-lunch-to-school kind of person, i do not like lunch meats and my Mother didn't really love me very much, but, it is important to eat something during the day, so i do that.
mostly i just pack an apple and some oranges, maybe a Nature Valley granola bar, but, that's better than nothing.
i pack it in a special sack the PSE made, so nobody steals it.
LunchSack!

//[onward ho!]
.

July 2017

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