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( 3 Feb 2017 04:41 pm)
with the new year [standard Julian, not LiveJournal] upon us, it was time for the PSE and i to go have a visit with a new doctor.
this is something we have had to do every new year for the past few years since Obamacare kicked into effect.
every year the PSE and i will get a new health care plan that will only cover a different group of doctors and so we'll have to make new appointments to establish care all over again.
when Obama was trying to sell Obamacare he kept saying “if you like your doctor, you can keep 'um” but apparently, that was a bunch of malarkey
the Right has been shitting on him for for the past seven, eight years.
because the Right are a bunch of old people and old people love going to see “their doctor.”
like they know the only person in the world who knows how to practice medicine.
but still, it is a pain in the ass to have to go establish care with a new doctor every goddamned year, so i take your point, Dad.

our 2017 Obamacare plan offered a database of doctors for us to choose from.
i didn't really put much thought into picking us out a new doctor, i figured one doctor on the list that my insurance company would pay for is just as good as another, so i selected the one closest to our house.
which turned out to be an Indian woman with a name that is a long string of consonants and vowels that, when strung together don't even come close to making a reasonable name.
Dr. Neralabrawlnoparwadoo Ofturnakobadamas works at a teaching hospital run by the University of North Texas.
the PSE and i would be essentially serving as live frogs for doctors-in-training to learn how to dissect.
this is what Obamacare is worth.

i had my appointment last Monday at 11:00am.
the PSE had hers a few days before. she checked out fine.
i parked my car around the back of the hospital and walked all the way to some elevators before i noticed a 30.06 sign informing me that i was not welcome on the premises with my concealed handgun.
i figured this might be a problem.
hospitals thing they are such hot shit. like anybody wants to come and shoot people that are all sick and dying anyway...
rather then walking all the way back to my car i decided to just commit a misdemeanor and continue on inside with my gun in its holster.
if Shit Goes Down and some psycho decides to go on a murder spree, i'll just have to remember to keep my gun in its pouch, turn around and walk the other way because the last thing i need is to get a ticket.

i made my way to the second floor offices of Dr. Neralabrawlnoparwadoo Ofturnakobadamas and found the lobby was congested with scabby-looking poor people.
i fucking hate poor people so much!
there was a cluster of them hanging out by the front desk and i took up a position among them to sign in for my appointment.
poor people can never do anything in an orderly fashion, they are always trying to elbow each other for position.
after three people in line in front of me stepped up to the receptionist one by one, a big Black dude came out of nowhere tried to get ahead of me.
i had to physically step around him to get in front of him, which made him roll his eyes at his lady-friend with him.
i signed in, then took a seat in the lobby with the latest issue of The Economist which was a surprise, and read about how President Trump is going to send the global economy down the shitter for twenty-five minutes before finally my name was called and i went back to an exam room.

after another few minutes a nurse came around and asked me what my problem is.
and then, as an afterthought, i told her that i piss too much.
i have the bladder of a little old woman. who is also a tit mouse. with prostate cancer.
the Nurse made a note of my fragile bladder then continued on about her business.
she took my blood pressure and other vital statistics then left the room to be replaced by a doctor-in-training, a large White dude with a Hispanic surname who told me he was in his third year of med. school. not residency, just med. school.
but, you've got to learn somewhere, right, so i let him go through his routine, listening to my lungs, having me track his finger with my eyes, thwacking me on my joints to make sure i have reflexes.
the Doctor-In-Training then did something i've never seen a Doctor do before, he spent several minutes having me try to move different parts of my body while he pushed against them.
i guess he was testing to make sure my arms, legs and head could all move in all the direction they were supposed to?
either that, or he was just a weirdo with a fetish for restraining people.
he pulled the same shit on the PSE when she had her visit a few days previous.

after he had finished taking a tour of my body the Doctor-In-Training went and got his boss Dr. Neralabrawlnoparwadoo Ofturnakobadamas, who came in and listened to me breath all over again.
because i guess she couldn't take the Doctor-In-Training's word for it that i'm still breathing.
then she looked at the Nurse's notes and said “i see you have trouble with the urination?”
i told her that i have to pee all the time, that i get up, like four or five times during the night to piss and that, right then, i had to pee, even though i had just peed while i was waiting in the waiting area less then a half hour previous.
she told me my bladder problems were not normal, that i shouldn't have to worry about prostate issues until i'm at least in my forties, but i told her, no, lady, i piss too much.
every time we have a break between classes at Law School i am always the first to jump up and run to the toilet.
the lady seemed genuinely surprised that i was in Law School.
she also seemed genuinely surprised that i neither smoked nor drank nor did drugs.
when she first came in she was talking some shit about wanting to give me a hepatitis test on account of all of the tattoos i have but i guess it took her a while to realize that i wasn't a dirtbag myself.
Dr. Neralabrawlnoparwadoo Ofturnakobadamas ultimately ended up telling me just to not drink water after 6:00pm and see if that helps with my frequent urination.
“come back in a month if you still have the trouble...”
right, thanks, lady.

visit concluded, i reported back to the reception area to make an appointment one month out.
there was another congestion of people and i had to get into it with a balding Black woman who thought she could jump me in line.
i let her stand ahead of me for a while until it was my rightful time to step up to the counter.
“nope!” i said, as she tried to hand her chart to the Receptionist, and insisted that mine be taken instead.
the balding Black woman tried to apologize “i didn't know you were waiting!” but, motherfucker, what do you think i am doing in this scrum?
there was no charge for the office visit.
i feel like last year's Obamacare used to charge me $10 per office visit.
but, with last year's Obamacare, i didn't have to get into it with the living dead over reception room etiquette.

when i left the Doctor's office i went to the blood lab on the first floor of the hospital to give no less then seven vials of blood for various tests Dr. Neralabrawlnoparwadoo Ofturnakobadamas ordered.
figure at least two of those are for the Doctor-In-Training to play with, right?
they told me they would call if they found anything out of the ordinary in my lab work.
so far, so good.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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