the past week was Spring Break at Law School.
i had a full ten days off from school, from Saturday of last week through to Monday.
i had been counting down the days since early-February, with great big plans of how i was going to spend my time now that i finally had some to spend, but, of course, all of that came to naught.
my biggest plan for Spring Break was to finally get around to buying that motorcycle i've been after for several months now and spend the beautiful Spring afternoons cruising around town, trying not to crash into things.
but, of course, that was not to be.
Law School kicks your ass, even when it's not in session.

i had no less then four papers that i had to write for Law School, plus two regular readings/case briefings.
the readings/case briefings were for Contracts for the week after Spring Break. same stuff i have to do every week.
one of the papers was a book report on a book i had to read for Property about some hippie who became a land developer.
it was just a 2-3 page “reflection” so i didn't require much from me but a half a day's worth of bullshitting.
and by “half a day” of course, i include all the time i piss away clicking through the 4Chan every few sentences.
then, i had to write two more “reflection” papers for Professional Identity II, both also around 2-3 pages.
the first “reflecting” on my “core competencies”, areas where i need to work to improve my professional identity, and the second, a mock letter of introduction to a pretend potential employer discussing all the ways i have worked to develop my “core competencies.”
i don't know why a potential employer would want to hear about how i am working on being less cantankerous and disheveled, isn't it assumed that by the time we're looking for a job we'll be expected to be able to resent ourselves like adults, but, whatever if this is what our Professor wants, that this is the bullshit i will do.
that second “reflection” was our final for Professional Identity II worth 30% of our grade, but, Professional Identity II is a pass/fail class so it doesn't matter.
i rattled off both papers in another half a day, including fuck-around time.
but then i had to turn my attention to something that matters...
several days before Spring Break sprung our Legal Writing Professor dropped a great big turd on our heads to write a 5,000 word trial brief due a week or two after we returned to class so, i had to spend almost all of my Spring Break time off getting a start on that.
which was really, really fucking depressing to have to piss the beautiful week away locked up in my closet working on shit i don't care about.
aside from the embarrassment and defeat failing out of Law School seems really, really awesome should it come to that.

though i had to waste most of my Spring Break working on school work, i was able to carve out a few hours a few days a week to spend time with my Family.
on Saturday, the PSE and i took the Monster to a park that parallels the Trinity River that runs through the middle of Fort Worth.
we spent a few hours walking through Trinity Park, letting the Monster be off-leash.
the Monster rarely gets to get off-leash anymore because she's a fucking spazzoid and is always trying to find a cat to chase or a dog on the other side of a fence to get all wound up, but there weren't any other animals in the park to throw Monster off, so, she just got to walk along next to us like a normal pet should.
it was nice to be outside in good weather for a little while before i had to get back to the house to work work work work work.

on Monday the PSE and i took the Monster out to a different park, Marion Sansom Park, which was maybe a fifteen minute drive from our apartment.
Marion Sansom Park wasn't so much a proper park with green grass and picnic tables as it was a series of mountain bike trails running up and down some rocky hills surrounding a gulch.
the PSE thought it would be fun to go and walk in the wild, or, as close as we can get to the wild without actually having to be in the wild.
neither the PSE nor i were smart enough to put on regular shoes, we just wore our regular house slippers that we always ear everywhere and so we damned-near rolled our ankles a good dozen times walking on all the inclined, rocky trails, but it was nice to be outside regardless.
and the Monster did well off-leash, too, with nowhere really to go but to follow behind us as we hiked.
eventually we found our way down to a reservoir at the bottom of the gulch and we walked around there for a while before heading back up to our car.
we spent about two hours out in the beautiful afternoon, total before i had to get back to work work work work work.

on Thursday the PSE and i took the Monster to a third park, Tandy Hills, which was also a ten or fifteen minute drive from our apartment.
the Tandy Hills Park starts out like a regular park with a stretch of manicured grass and picnic tables and a jungle gym but then it quickly devolves into a series of rocky, hilly trails.
once again, the PSE and i were in our house slippers and hiking was difficult, but we pressed on.
the Tandy Hills Park is notable for its wild flowers and scenic views of Fort Worth and, more prominently, I-30, but we were too early for wild flower season and all there was to see was sparse interstate traffic whizzing by.
until we saw a coyote.
we weren't too deep into the park, probably less then a mile from the nearest main road, when we turned from one trail to another and saw a coyote maybe a thousand feet in front of us.
he was a big fucker, too.
the PSE and i decided not to proceed down that trail and instead walked down a different trail with the Monster in between us, not trailing behind like she had been doing before, and a clubbing baton in my hand.
fortunately i didn't have to club any coyotes, but the rest of our walk in the Tandy Hills wild felt like The Hills Have Eyes, with unseen predators watching us, trying to eat us, which was fun.
we all made it out of the park alive and uneaten after some time, but then, of course, it was back to work work work work work for me.
which is like being eaten alive in a lot of ways.

i spent most of Spring Break clinically depressed.
the parts when i wasn't with my family, at least.
having to sit in a fucking closet under an artificial light All Fucking Day Long when the weather is as beautiful as it's been is sapping the life out of me.
i never expected Law School to be as much of a time suck as it has been.
i don't know if i can carry on with another three years of this shit, even if i manage not to fail out.
the idea of spending the next three years of my life sitting indoors, work work work work working while my family has to do without me is fucking depressing.
having a taste of of a little freedom just made things so much worse for me.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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