Suicide Squad:
Suicide Squad looked like it was going to be an awesome movie several months before it came out.
they released that kick-ass trailer with Bohemian Rhapsody playing and everything looked so fucking cool and exciting and full of promise.
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then about a month before its release date the internet started to bubble with rumors that they were doing heavy editing and reshooting, which is always a bad portends.
the internet said that after Guardians of the Galaxy came out, the people at DC DCided that their movie needed to be more jokey.
[note to Hollywood: nothing ever needs to be more jokey.]
when the movie actually did come out and the world went to go see it, it turned out, yeah, everybody was let down.
still, i was pretty psyched to see how Suicide Squad would turn out. i was hoping that maybe the movie-viewing world was just being overly critical and that maybe it would be worth something after all.
i can hope.

Suicide Squad is a movie about a team of DC comics villains who get repurpoused by the government to go fight crime by putting bombs in their necks to control them.
there are six or eight members of the Suicide Squad, though most of them exist mostly as background characters.**
Suicide Squad is really just the Harley Quinn Show featuring Will Smith.
Rick Flag, Killer Croc, Captain Boomerang, Katana and Fire Mexican don't matter
anyways, Harley Quin and Will Smith and friends get dispatched from their super-villain prison to go to not-Chicago to go fight a sexy witch that had taken over the city.
Suicide Squad takes place after Batman v. Superman so Superman was too temporarily dead to be of any help and i guess neither Batman and Wonder Woman aren't worth much against a sexy witch
it not-Chicago the gang has to fight their way through a bunch of monsters to go rescue Amanda Waller, who is the lady in charge of the Suicide Squad program.
i don't know why Amanda Waller was in a high rise building in not-Chicago while the entire city was under attack from a sexy witch, but, there she was for some reason.
after rescuing Amanda Waller the Suicide Squad go to fight the sex witch but they do so of their own free will, with the controls to the bombs in their necks destroyed, because i guess they had come to like each other?
they go and fight the sexy witch who is doing a sexy witch dance that can destroy the world or some shit and they all have to learn to work together to kill her, which they do, so good for them.
then they all have to go back to prison because they are all criminals and mass murderers after all, the end.

most people agree that Suicide Squad was a shite movie but that Harley Quinn was the best thing to come out of it.
mot people also liked The Joker who was a part of Harley Quinn's backstory, but i didn't care for either of them.
Harley Quin was damn-near insufferable, cloying and try-hard with an inconsistent accent and The Joker was played like a walking, talking, swaggering personification of whatever the hell is going on on MySpace these days.
like he should be sparkling with glitter emojis that read “Bad Ass!!!” and “Back Off!!!”
the other half of the movie's tent-pole was Will Smith who was just Will Smith, for whatever the hell that's worth.
the highlight of the cast for me was Amanda Waller.
Amanda Waller is my third-favorite comic book character after Batman and Magneto.
she is a heavyset Black woman who wears pantsuits and manipulates super-powered people for a living.
her superpower is that she grew up in the Cabrini Green housing projects and she holds an advance degree in political economics.
she's a ruthless, bad bitch and Suicide Squad did her right.

the biggest problem with Suicide Squad is that it is pretty much a series of kick-ass movie trailers.
every other scene for the first half of the movie was a series of stylized action sequences set to good music.
like they figured 'hell, the formula worked for the trailer, let's just do it again ten or fifteen times.'
conversely, i feel like most of what Suicide Squad had to offer had already been delivered by that kick-ass fucking trailer.
like there wasn't anything new in the rest of the movie.

Suicide Squad was certainly a disappointment compared to what people were expecting.
i had high hopes after that kick-ass fucking trailer and this movie did not live up to them.
that said, i don't know that Suicide Squad is a bad movie.
if i had never seen that kick ass fucking trailer, if i had no expectations about Suicide Squad i might have come away thinking “yeah, that was okay...”
not great, not even good, but okay.
instead, Suicide Squad fell under the weight of its own hype.

for being another movie full of promise and no delivery, for taking the best movie trailer anybody has ever seen in recent memory and then ruining it by throwing in two extra hours of movie, for failing under the weight of its own hype but for still being not as awful s everybody made it out to be, Suicide Squad earns a 5.4/10.

one of the not-at-all important characters was a guy called Slipknot who is a guy who fights with ropes.
i don't know what the fuck good Amanda Waller thought he would do against a sexy witch bit it doesn't matter because he dies almost immediately.
anyways, from the minute or two that Slipknot was on screen the PSE thought he was played by the guy who played Chakotay on Star Trek: Voyager.
he was not played by Chakotay on Star Trek: Voyager.
i won myself a back-rub because the PSE just hasn't learned not to bet against me yet.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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