for the first time in our ten years of combined dog ownership, the PSE was able to express our dog's anal glands herself, at the house.
for the nine years we had Dog, we used to have to pay professionals to squeeze the balls of shit and stink that are on either side of a dog's asshole.
we tried to do it ourselves once or twice, but gave up quickly.
even before the Dog got mean and nasty and wouldn't let us fuck with her, way back, years and years ago when she would still let us cut her hair without getting too bitey, we still couldn't get ourselves to purge her anal glands because it's just gross to be fiddling around with your dog's asshole.
there is a thin line between doing that and being the worst kind of sex pervert.
when Monster came along, we went straight to paying some lady at the Pet Smart grooming studio to express her anal glands for us, but that was several months ago and she was due for another purge.
her sacks were the size of grapes.
so, the PSE started doing some research on technique, she figured out what she was supposed to do and she set herself to trying to squeeze them.
at first she didn't have any success but then, finally, SQUIRT! an ejaculation of shit and puss or whatever the hell is in a dog's anal glands came spraying out of the Monster's asshole.
the PSE kept squeezing, getting more and more of the vile secretion out, then did the same to the sack on the other side.
all the while, the Monster just stood there, with her usual good humor.
i'm glad that expressing the Monster's anal glands is something we do ourselves now, that we don't have to pay some stranger $15.
but, on the other hand, i don't think i can ever get myself to do it. this will have to be the PSE's area of expertise.

the PSE spent about ten nights over the past few weeks working as a minor apartment vigilante.
a month or two ago, our apartment, that came under new management back in December, sent around a letter saying that they were going to be changing the parking lot policy.
rather then just letting people park in the parking lot wherever they wanted, they decided that now they would be assigning everybody parking permits.
there was no reason to do this, there are more then enough spots for everybody, the PSE and i have never had to worry about parking, but, this is just Management's way of trying to wring more money out of people.
but, either intentionally or not, Management never followed up by actually distributing those parking permits.
instead, one night a tow truck just started coming around hauling people's cars away.

the Tow Truck Driver strikes at night, like a rapist might do.
the Tow Truck Driver strikes when me and my neighbors are asleep, unable to defend our cars, but not the PSE.
the PSE, most nights, will stay up 'till 3:00, 5:00, 7:00am, because that's her biological clock's default and because she doesn't have anywhere she needs to be.
the PSE hasn't worked since November.
the first time the tow truck driver came around stealing cars the PSE stood up all night, keeping a vigil over our Wagons.
the tow truck driver didn't come after our cars, but still, it sucks that the PSE had to be on alert all night from an enemy in our own backyard.
the next afternoon we went to the Office and got parking permits for our cars, but most of our neighbors never bothered and for the next week, while i slept, the PSE would see the motherfucker come in, nick a car and drive off.
the motherfucker would keep coming back, getting two, three, four cars per night.
most of the time the PSE wouldn't even see him until it was too late and he was driving off.

each time, the PSE would get herself more and more upset.
what the fuck is this guy's problem!?! what the fuck gives this criminal the right to steal people's cars!?!
it must suck so bad to be the poor people who live here, pay rent here, and wake up in the morning to go to work [or whatever they do] only to find their car's been stolen out from under their noses.
the PSE was swollen with a great sense of empathy and indignation.
me, i could barely muster little more then incidental annoyance at the whole business.
i mean, sure, if somebody was to come along and shoot the Tow Truck Driver in the head i would applaud and tell the police i didn't see nothin', but really, with Law School taking up most of my time, i've got bigger problems.
good for you, though, PSE, having something to get irate about.

after seven or eight nights of getting pissed off by this tow truck criminal, the PSE finally caught the motherfucker in the act.
the bastard swooped in to steal our Mexican neighbor's car, parked right next to our Wagons, right below our balcony.
the PSE saw the motherfucker and she ran downstairs to stand between the tow truck and its prey.
like Tank Man in Tienanmen.
the Tow Truck Driver got out of his rig to yell at the PSE but she would not budge.
the Tow Truck Driver got back into his rig and tried to run the PSE down but she would not budge.
the Tow Truck Driver got out of his rig again, this time to try to reason with the PSE.
“lady, i'm just trying to do my job,” he said, like the Nazis at Nuremberg, “i'm just trying to feed my family.”
if the PSE had a quicker wit she would have told the fat fuck of a Tow Truck Driver that his family has clearly had enough to eat, but she didn't say that.
she told the Tow Truck Driver that he's got a shitty job ruining other people's lives, then she started screaming.
after a while, our Mexican neighbor woke up and came outside to see what all the fuss was about.
“they're trying to tow your car,” the PSE told the sleepy-eyed idiot.
“you're trying to tow my car?” he asked the PSE, not quite getting it.
“just go get your keys” the PSE told him, and he did.
the Mexican was able to take his car and drive away, and the Tow Truck Driver's kids had to go hungry that night.

the whole commotion woke me up in time to see the Mexican drive away and the Tow Truck Driver threaten to call the cops.
the PSE ran away and i went out on the balcony to yell at the Tow Truck Driver until he got into his truck and went away.
the next morning, first thing, the PSE printed out two dozen strips of paper that read “these motherfuckers are towing cars, go get a parking sticker from Management” and put them on all the cars in the lot.
sure enough, within a day or two, all of the cars had parking stickers.
the Tow Truck Driver is going to have to have some other poor suckers to victimize.

the PSE saved a lot of people a lot of inconvenience in her standoff with the Tow Truck Driver.
she really ought to be given some kind of award from the community, but, like Batman or Bernie Goetz, her heroics will ultimately go unrewarded by a city that doesn't appreciate her.
i appreciate you, PSE!

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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