last week i went to the urologist because i pee all the time.
[see Thursday's post]
because that post ran long and because i am trying to impose a tighter page count on these things this LiveJournal year, i ended up leaving out a not-really-important-but-mildly-interesting part of the narrative.
which i will now add here, because It Is Important That You Know Every Teeny Tiny Inconsequential Part Of My Life.
that is the deal.

so, the Urologist that i ended up seeing, the only urologist in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex who took my shite Obamacare insurance and who could see me before 2018, was a Christian septuagenarian.
he was really, really old and really, really Christian, like, in-your-face Christian.
anyways, the christ cunt comes into the exam room, i tell him my troubles and he has me pull down my drawers to take a look at my dick.
the guy is poking around at my business and he discovers the piercing i have through my nutsack.
not actually through my nutsack, that would be gross and lead to all sorts of lasting medical issues, but through the nutsack skin, obviously.
i wear a level in there that my friend Melissa gave me, right underneath my penis, like where a St. Bernard would wear a barrel in cartoons about the Alps.
anyways, the Urologist discovers the level and decided it was something he had to comment on.
“and what's this?” the old, old man asked.
“it's where i keep my level. in case i ever need to figure out if things are flat or not.”
“ah,” the Christian Septuagenarian said, “it also provides clitoral stimulation for the woman,” the guy said, like he'd just used his seventy years of medical expertise to deduce that i am a secret sex pervert.
“yeah, i dunno...” i grumbled, because, what the fuck, man.
in all the years that i've been walking around with a level in my nuts, clitoral stimulation never crossed my mind.
i got the thing because when i was nineteen, some girl who was apprenticing at a piercing shop wanted to practice piercing people's scrotum and i was happy to volunteer.

the pervy/judgmental old Christian Urologist went back to examining my junk.
it wasn't until the drive home that it occurred to me that this old codger doesn't have any idea what he's talking about.
my nut rung is on the underside of my dick shaft, there is no way, physically, no matter which of the three or four sex positions the PSE and i know about and utilize, that her clitoris would come into contact with the level through my nuts.
where does this guy think the clitoris is?
either this old coot is some kind of Kama Sutra freak, or he has spent way too long hanging around penises and needs to take a continuing ed. class on vagina topography.

the Law School was looking for volunteers to take the Graduate Records Exam as a part of a study they were conducting to see about accepting GRE scores in lieu of LSAT scores.
they needed a hundred volunteers and to get people to sign up, they were offering money.
$50, plus a $50 bonus if your GRE scores came within one standard deviation of your LSAT scores.
because they don't want people showing up and just clicking 'B' to every answer.
i decided to take the Law School up on the offer, because i like money.

i've taken the GREs once before, back when the PSE and i were living in Austin, back in July, 2012.
i had been vacillating between sporadic substitute-teaching and sporadic guinea piggery at the Drug Study and my life was a stagnant mire.
i figured maybe getting a Master's Degree might be something to do so i signed myself up to take the GREs, which is the first step.
i paid the $245 or however much it costs, and then i turned up.
i didn't take a prep course, a didn't study, i didn't even bother to read a “How To Prepare For The GREs” book, though i did check one out from the public library.
i just showed up for the test, spent four hours clicking buttons and typing answers and that was that.
one week later my results came in and they were awful.
even worse, i was at the Drug Study when the results came in the mail and i had the PSE read them to me over the phone.
it's one thing to get bad news, it's another to have your girlfriend share in your shame in real time.
if i have to be knocked down a peg, i would have preferred to have it done in private and to convey my shame to the PSE later on, in my own way.

the GREs are a test in three parts, Verbal Reasoning [the word parts,] Qualitative Reasoning [the math parts,] and Analytical Writing [the written essays.]
Verbal and Qualitative Reasoning are graded between 130 and 170, Analytical Writing between 0 and 6.
in July 2012 i ended up with the following scores:
Verbal Reasoning: 163, which is the 92nd Percentile
Qualitative Reasoning: 146, which is the 24th Percentile
Analytical Writing: 3,5 which is the 42nd Percentile
the Verbal Reasoning score was good, i felt good about that.
and i could even live with the low Qualitative Reasoning score because what the fuck do i know about math?
it wasn't symbolic reasoning, it was hard math, like functions an whatnot. shit you have to have been taught how to do, which i haven't, or, if i have, it never stuck.
but how the fuck did i do so poorly on Analytical Writing!?!
i've been writing every day of my life for over a decade. how the fuck did id shit the bed so bad!?!
my low Analytical Writing score effectively was the nail in the coffin for my dreams of getting a Master's Degree.
and, lesson learned, when it came time to see about taking the LSATs, a year or so later, i paid the money for a prep course.
apparently i am not as smart as i thought i was to just walk into a test and half-ass it.

when it came time to take the GREs a second time for Law School i walked into the test and half-assed it.
i already got accepted into Law School, this test didn't count for anything and i had nothing to lose.
making things worse, there was bacon somewhere in the building and for the second half of the test, all i wanted to do was rush through to the end to go get myself some bacon.
[by the time i got through, all the bacon was gone, so, that was an extra fuck-you.]
anyways, after a week, my GRE test scores came back. as follows:
Verbal Reasoning: 163, which is the 92nd Percentile
Qualitative Reasoning: 146, which is the 24th Percentile
Analytical Writing: 5 which is the 93rd Percentile
that's more the fuck like it.
i found it interesting that my scores from 2012 and 2017 for both Verbal Reasoning and Qualitative Reasoning are exactly the same.
i guess my brain don't change.
and, again, i can live with the low Qualitative Reasoning score because i don't know dick about math.
but that Analytical Writing score was up dramatically, and that makes all the difference.
it's not that i've gotten better as an analytical writer, i certainly haven't made any conscious efforts to do so.
i just assume that something went bad for me back in 2012.

it is nice, now, to have that shameful stain cleared up.
i feel vindicated by my second tango with the Graduate Records Examination.
it might not be worth anything for me now that i'm in Law School [even if i fail out of law school, i wouldn't try for a Master's. it's too much] but it feels good to have redeemed myself personally.
i called up the PSE as soon as i got the score to brag.
“i'm not as dumb as we thought!!!”

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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