Heroes Reborn:
Heroes Reborn is either the sixth or seventh season of the Heroes TV series, or the first season of a reboot, depending on how you want to count.
either way, Heroes Reborn didn't take off the way people were hoping and whatever it was supposed to be, there likely won't be any more of it.
Heroes was a fucking great TV show until it wasn't.
the first season of Heroes was as good as any of the shows that are commonly considered great in the Golden Age Of Television.
i'm not saying it could challenge The Wire or Breaking Bad or anything like that, but it could stand in their shadow, certainly.
but then they made Heroes Season Two and Season Three and Season Four and Season Five and maybe Season Six, i really can't remember.
the shit seemed to drag on forever like a wounded animal trying to find a place to die, and each season was worse then the last.
the whole franchise devolved into a soap opera about people with super powers that made me angry and resentful that i had to keep watching it.
the whole mess was rightly canceled back in the late 2000s.
but i feel like the people in charge of Heroes know that they've got something good, they struck gold once before with Season One and they want to get back to that quality storytelling, they just don't know how.
so, if at first you don't succeed, and you don't succeed again and you don't succeed again and you don't succeed again, wait six or seven years, hope the world becomes nostalgic for your better days and forgets how badly you boloxed things up, and then try, try again.

Heroes Reborn takes place in a world were everybody knows that there are people with superpowers running around but, after a terrorist attack that killed a few thousand people, they become a persecuted minority.
Heroes Reborn seems to take place in a world with absolutely no concept of constitutional protections.
like, the writers didn't even bother with any semblance of realism, or to try to explain how a group of people could be so universally vilified that everybody is just totally cool with dismissing their basic humanity.
i mean, there was a terrorist attack, sure, but after 9/11 we didn't immediately round up every single Muslim and throw them into concentration camps.
it took sixteen years for Donald Trump to get around to that.
besides, the terror attack mostly killed other super-powered people, anyway. i don't know what normal people are so salty about.

anyways, a year after this terrorist attack that made people with superpowers a persecuted minority Claire Bennet gives birth to twins and then promptly dies.
Claire Bennet, you may recall, is the squat, indestructible cheerleader from the original Heroes.
Save The Cheerleader, Save The World.
they couldn't get the actual Claire Bennet to come back for Heroes Reborn because the actress was too busy filming Bring It On 5, but they got the guy who played her dad to be the star of the show.
the twins get sent back in time when Hiro Nakamura, the lovable time-traveling Japanese man who was the star of the original Heroes comes for a guest appearance so that they can be sixteen when the series is supposed to take place just a year after they are born.
the two twins, raised separately, must figure out a way to find each other despite being given very little information about how to do that.
their guardians are operating with the knowledge that both of the twins are profoundly special and that they must get together at the right place in the right time to save the world from impending doom because That Is Their Destiny, but for the reason of plot device, they are given almost no information that would be useful to their quest.
shows about people with a “destiny” immediately lose several points from my calculus.

the Big Bad of the season is a lady who is in charge of a major technology firm, a kind of Google, that has figured out a way to turn people's super-powers into technology.
no explanation is ever given about how she does that, she can just shove wires into the back of their necks.
she also has contraptions that inhibit everybody's superpowers, and other contraptions that can detect who has superpowers and who does not just by looking at them.
none of these things are plausible by any stretch of science fiction.
i can accept a TV show about people with superpowers, but asking me to accept a lady who can make up whatever technology happens to fit the story at any given time is just fucking insulting.
anyways, this lady's deal is that she knows the world is going to end so she has been kidnapping super-powered people and using their powers to build a machine that can transport people to the future to kind of leap over Armageddon.
which is evil, but, i guess understandable.
the lady is trying to save at least some percentage of the human race.
it's not like she invented the event that is going to destroy Earth, she is just trying to make sure mankind survives it by any means necessary.
a lot of her plans to do so involve kidnapping one of the Bennet twins, but, it turns out that both of the twins are necessary to actually stop the world from being destroyed by a solar flair which is something they can do by combining their powers in a way that doesn't necessarily make sense with physics.
the twins finally reunite, hold hands and use their Wonder Twin powers to protect the Earth from a solar flair, somehow.
also, there is a girl who can turn into a video game for some fucking reason.
and one of the main characters we are supposed to root for starts the series off as a mass-murderer of super-powered people who has killed at least dozens of innocent people but we are supposed to forgive him and view him as a hero because he decides to help one of the twins on her quest.
fuck you, Heroes Reborn. the end.

for being a show about characters with 'a destiny' which drives me fucking nuts, for lazy writing about how technology works, for lazy writing about how character development works, for having a story where characters have to go on a quest but are provided absolutely no important information about just what it is the world is asking of them despite having years of preparatory time, for asking us to forgive the unforgivable moral choices of a major character for no reason whatsoever, and for a girl that can turn into a video game which is so stupid it feels like the writers have to be fucking with the audience Heroes Reborn earns a 2.6/10.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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