the PSE went and checked in to a Drug Study in Dallas on the 6th.
i'm writing this on the 14th, though, i likely won't post it until the 19th, because we're a little backed up.
as of this writing, the PSE has been away from me for eight nights.
this shit ain't easy.
i don't know how single people do it, living in an empty house with nobody to talk to and having to do all of your house chores for yourself.
i feel a great swell of pity for the poor souls who don't live with family or friends or lovers or at least have a housekeeper come by periodically who speaks decent English.

the first problem with having the PSE away is that it is lonely being by myself all the time.
i mean, sure, Monster is here with me, but she is a shite conversationist and is more of a bundle of needs then a proper companion.
i enjoy having somebody to talk to, somebody to share my life with.
somebody to keep me company all the time, to charm and be charmed-by.
granted, since i've been in Law School i've haven't had the time for the PSE like i'd like, i spend most of my time sitting in the closet that is my office working on school stuff, but it's nice to come out of my closet from time to time and have the PSE there.
i like talking to her. she's fine company.
also, it's not like i have anybody else to talk to while the PSE's away because i'm cantankerous and weird.
my whole system is set up so that the PSE is the one i share my time with and with the PSE not there for that, i get lonely and sad.
a bonus is that i do get to jerk off more often, whenever i like, but, that's small comfort.

the second problem with having the PSE away is that she does all kinds of stuff to make my life easier.
having to carry the full load of living a life all by myself sucks.
the PSE does all kinds of shit when she's here that, now that she's away, fall to me.
the biggest, most obvious problem with having the PSE away is feeding myself.
that's a logistical problem worthy of it's own post. look forward to that tomorrow!.
but the PSE does all kinds of other crap for me too that i only really appreciate now that i have to do it.

1) Basic House Chores
unlike cooking for myself which i never really did throughout our whole entire relationship, i used to clean and go to the store, occasionally in the past.
never as much as the PSE, but sometimes, if it needed doing and the PSE was particularly lazy.
but ever since i started at Law School and especially since the PSE has been unemployed, basic house chores have become exclusively the PSE's domain while i find myself preoccupied with trying not to fail out of school.
i haven't done the dishes or cleaned the apartment or gone grocery shopping in months and months.
now, all of a sudden i have to do that shit again, on top of trying not to fail out of school, and it's a lot to ask.

2) Monster Maintenance
i have to tend to every goddamned need the Monster has.
and the Monster has a lot of needs.
unlike a normal, well-adjusted dog that pretty much manages itself throughout the day Monster requires a lot of attention.
it's a two-person job just to keep up with all of her bullshit.

the Monster requires three or four walks a day.
when i wake up, throughout the day and before i go to bed.
but sometimes, most times, the Monster can't wait until i wake up on my own and she'll start getting fussy.
sometimes 8:30, 9:30, 10:30 in the morning.
“goddammit, little idiot!” i will snap at her “go back to bed!”
and she will, but then she'll be right back at it, fussing, kicking around in the floor beside my bed trying to wake me up an hour or two later.
i suppose this is better then her pissing on my floor, but, it really inhibits my ability to sleep for more then ten hours in a row.
when the PSE is here, the Monster doesn't pull this shit because the PSE sleeps way less then i do.

also, the Monster is only two years old, maybe three.
which means she requires more exercise then an older dog.
she doesn't act like it, she doesn't get really wild around the apartment but, if i go more then two or three days without taking her on a big walk, i feel guilty.
most times we go out for a walk, we just walk around the apartment building so the Monster can relieve herself but every other day i put on my out-cloths and take her for a bigger walk around the neighborhood.
i would like to do this whether the PSE is here or not, goodness knows i need the exercise too, but, more often then not with my Law School workload, it's the PSE who takes the Monster on these bigger walks.

so, we go walking around the neighborhood for twenty minutes, forty minutes, sometimes over an hour.
there is a little park a half a mile away that we go to sometimes with a lake and i'll let the Monster off her leash and she'll chase geese off of dry land, sending them retreating into the water.
i probably shouldn't encourage Monster's habits to chase things, chasing neighborhood cats is one of her worse qualities, but, whatever, fuck geese.
it's nice for the Monster to be able to run.

Monster also gets needy while i'm trying to work.
i'll be sitting in my office/closet all day reading cases and writing briefs or writing LiveJournals for all of you to enjoy, and the Monster will come around maybe once or twice a day and make herself known.
“pet me pet me pet me pet me pet me pet me pet me pet me”
and i'll have to stop what i'm doing and get down on the ground and cuddle with her for a while.
not that i mind, that's what i got the Monster for after all, but when the PSE is here the Monster can go hang out with her sometimes.
though, even with the PSE at the house, the Monster likes to nag me for my fair share of cuddles.

3) The PSE's Plants
i guess i shouldn't say 'the PSE's plants,' they're our plants and the PSE wouldn't like me to say they are hers alone.
she would want me to be invested in the plants.
and i am, i guess, in so much as anybody can be arsed to care about plants when they have Law School shit they have to do, too.
the care and maintenance of the houseplants is the PSE's thing, but, with her away, i am suddenly in charge of figuring out how to keep the six plants alive.
when do i water them, how much do i water them, which ones go outside on the balcony, which ones need to stay inside in indirect sunlight.
it's a lot to have to manage.
for the first few says, i had the PSE walk me through it on the phone.
and then she told me i needed to talk to the plants, to compliment them on their growth and encourage them.
i told her i would do that and i do, but i don't really have all that much to say.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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