with the PSE away at the Dallas Drug Study, i am left to take care of myself.
it sucks.
as of this writing, the PSE has been away for eight nights.

this problem is most manifest in the fact that i now have to feed myself.
i have to prepare myself at least two meals per day.
before the PSE left, i had to prepare zero meals per day. that was all the PSE's problem.
for most of our twelve-years-plus relationship, mealtimes have been the PSE's purview.
sometimes the PSE might get in a spell where she doesn't feel like cooking, but even then, she'll help figure out what we're going to do for carry-out.
i can't tell you the last time i had to prepare a meal all by myself.
maybe 2012?
it's gotten to the point where i wouldn't even know where to start.

when left to my own devices, a good half of my diet consists of SuperPretzles.
before the PSE left for the Drug Study she went to the Wal-Mart and bought three boxes of SuperPretzles from their frozen section.
every day i take out two and heat them up in my toaster oven, normally for lunch with a little puddle of French's yellow mustard.
you would think eating two SuperPretzles for lunch every day would get tedious but somehow it doesn't.
i've been relying on SuperPretzles as a source of food [or food-substitute] for decades.
my Mother wasn't much for home-cooking and i was on my own to feed myself from a young age.
you would think that i would have figured out how to feed myself, having had to do it since puberty but my survival strategy has always been to either go out to eat or shack up with girls who cook.
just now, writing this paragraph, i went over to the SuperPretzle website because they'll give a website to anybody these days.
beneath the picture of Major League Baseball's Mike Trout, long-time SuperPretzle spokesman, there is a 'recipes' section, because apparently there is more you can do with a SuperPretzle then just did it in yellow mustard.
there are recipes for Multigrain Soft Pretzel, Avocado and Egg Open-Face Sandwich, Warm Soft Pretzel Bites With Honey, Bacon and Chili, and SoftStix Mini Grilled Cheese And Tomato Soup, but for that i would need a panini press.
i think i am just gonna stick with the classic.
somehow, even SuperPretzle-related meals seem too complicated for me.

on days i have to go to Law School i make myself a peanut butter and jelly and banana sandwich.
just like the PSE would do if she was here.
only somehow, even though i am following the PSE's recipe exactly, they never seem to taste as good when i have to make them myself.
like somehow the magic is gone.
so that's my lunch options. dinner can be more complicated.

on the PSE's first night off at the Drug Study i took the Monster and walked over to the Central Market grocery store several blocks away and ordered myself a Vietnamese Pork Sandwich from their gourmet deli counter.
there was a super-long line because there was only one kid working the counter for some reason and because it was 7:00pm and all the other people who don't know how to cook for themselves were hungry, too.
i ended up standing in the queue for no less then twenty minutes, petting the Monster and smiling at all the people who smiled at her.
when it came time to order my sandwich it turned out they were out of mint.
the Vietnamese Pork Sandwich comes with two sprigs of mint.
for reasons i don't quite understand the guy who made my sandwich decided i should just have it for free.
i didn't even give him a hard time about the wait or the mint or anything.
thanks, Renaldo!

on the PSE's second night off at the Drug Study i walked over to a nearby McDonald's a few blocks away.
despite their proximity to the house, it was the first time i'd had been to a McDonald's since the PSE and i celebrated her thirtieth birthday at one in May of last year in Beijing, China.
i figured i would sink to McDonald's at some point while the PSE was away, but i didn't think it would be so soon.
one again i had the Monster with me so i figured i would just walk through the Drive-Through, but the Black lady at the window wouldn't serve me and told me to come inside.
but, when i tried to go into the store with monster she yelled at me about that, too.
she wanted me to “just tie her up outside and come in” because Black people don't care about animals.
eventually, some other Black McDonald's worker came out to the parking lot and brought me my two hamburgers and french fries, like something illicit was going on.
also, holy shit, i just got my evening meal for $3.11!?!
what a deal!!! no wonder poor people eat so much of this stuff.
it's too bad it's made of poison.

on the PSE's third night off at the Drug Study i went back to the Central Market, this time for groceries.
we didn't have anything left to eat in the house. i had gobbled down all the fruit and snacks the PSE stocked up on before she left.
even though the Central market is just a few blocks away i didn't walk, i drove, because i left the Monster at the apartment and i didn't want her to get too worked up being home alone.
so, i ran in to the store and loaded up on things that were easy for me to eat like chips and salsa and candy.
stuff that the PSE would yell at me for getting if she was around, but since she wasn't, i indulged.
i haven't bought candy for myself since we got back from our Great Adventure.
the PSE has gotten supper judgmental about it, not wanting me to get fat.
well, looks like the joke's on you, PSE!
or, on me when i get diabetes.
i also got four onion bagels from their bakery section and asked the lady in the bakery to slice them for me.
at first she tried to run them through the bread-slicer like she'd never cut a bagel before but i was watching her and i interjected.
“half!” i shouted over the counter at her, demonstrating with my hand, “half!”

after checkout, i got back into my TITSwagon to drive the four blocks back to my apartment and was stopped in the parking lot by a homeless-looking Black dude.
he gestured for me to roll down my window and, when i did he asked me for a ride somewhere.
even though i had to get back to the Monster, i told him, 'sure' and unlocked the passenger door.
i reminded myself that i keep a gun in the armrest and another on my hip, should it come to having to shoot the fellow.
thankfully, it didn't come to that, though the ingrate did ask me for money.
he told me that his daughter just got arrested for shoplifting and he was truing to get some money to feed his grandkids.
motherfucker, i've done my part for you today. why don't you just start stealing for your grandkids yourself?
i dropped the guy off in a mini-mall a mile or two up the road where he has some kind of mandatory parole meeting to attend for felons.

i spent the next four days eating chips and salsa and bagels and cream cheese and candy for dinner.
on the PSE's eighth night off at the Drug Study i returned to the Central Market for another deli sandwich.
this time, i got a B.L.A.S.T, Bacon, Lettuce, Avocado, something and Tomato.
i also added roasted red peppers, but that doesn't begin with an S.
this time, i had to pay full price.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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