War Dogs:
War Dogs is a movie i had never heard of.
i wasn't aware of any advertisements for it when it came out, the /tv/ board on the 4Chan never talked about it.
i only became aware that War Dogs was a thing when i was on the Pirate Bay stealing other movies at my Parents' house in New Jersey back in December and i clicked on the little arrow to torrent it because, why not.
it turned out to be a lucky break.

War Dogs is a movie about a pair of Jewish kids who get into the arms trade business.
it turns out that, back in the midst of the Iraq War, the Bush Administration set up a public website detailing all the arms contracts that the Army was looking to fill that just any ol' body could bid on.
and, Jews gonna Jew, so, these kids decide to get in on it.
they spend a half a year making connections and then make a big deal to outfit some Army unit in Iraq with a bunch of Beretta handguns.
but, just that week the Italian government passed a resolution barring trade with Iraq as a way to protest American adventurism over there, so the Jewish kids have to work out a way to deliver.
they have the guns shipped to Amman, Jordan then drive them across the border, through Fallujah, eventually making their way to Baghdad to deliver.
they make a buttload of money, buy themselves fancy condos, and live a good life for a while.
then it's on to their next score.

the Jewish kids find another post on Pentagon Craigslist to supply the entire Afghani Army with enough 7.62x39mm AK rounds to perpetuate war in Central Asia indefinitely.
AK-47 rounds are in high demand because of reasons people on the internet blame on Obama, but, because this movie takes place during the Bush Administration, i don't know what the problem is.
anyways, the two Jewish Kids find themselves in competition with all the biggest arms manufacturers/dealers in the world to gather enough 7.62x39mm AK rounds to do the deal.
they eventually come into contact with Bradley Cooper who is supposed to be the Baddest Arms Dealer In The Game who puts them on to an ammo cache in Albania that should have all the bullets they need.
the Jewish Kids put in a bid with the Pentagon that comes in $56 Million dollars under budget an they get the bid.
but it turns out all the AK rounds in Albania were Chinese-made, not Russian, which is a problem because it is illegal to deal in Chinese arms, on account of Tienanmen.
it's totally cool to buy I-Phones made by Chinese slavers but not bullets, i guess.
the Jewish kids would have known about the problem if they knew anything about the Sino-Soviet split in Communist politics, but i guess these international arms dealers and multi-million dollar small business owners never got past 11th grade?
anyways, the Jews decide to just take the illegal Chinese 7.62x39mm AK rounds out of their boxes and ship them in plastic baggies over to Afghanistan, paying a local Albanian box warehouse owner $100,000 for the trouble.
but the Jews have a fight, one Jew tries to out Jew the other Jew and in the process, nobody pays the Albanian Box Warehouse Owner.
the Albanian Box Warehouse Owner calls the Pentagon to tell them what was going down and the Jewish kids get arrested, the end.

the first question that War Dogs raises is why doesn't the government just make its own weapons?
why the fuck do these Jewish kids, and their multi-billion dollar competitors like Northrop Grumman and Raytheon and Lockheed Martin even exist in the first place?
that's a question i've had in more broad terms ever since i was a small boy and i would wonder why the fuck homeless people were a thing.
“why doesn't the government just build them houses?” i would ask simply enough.
and all the education i've gotten for myself in the process hasn't answered it to my satisfaction.
which either says something about me, or it says something about Capitalism.
the answer, i guess, is Capitalism.
America likes to tell itself this erotic fiction that markets are good and government is bad.
i'm not saying the government should own the means of production, i'm not a Communist, i just think with some things, the government should own some of the means of production.
let Northrop Grumman and Lockheed and Raytheon compete with the government to make weapons and let Aetna and Blue Cross/Blue Shield and Humana compete with the government to provide people with health insurance, and let the utility companies compete with the government to provide basic services and let's see who can do it better.
i bet without the expenses of overhead and the capitalist profit motive, the government can come in way under the market.
and that seems like a good thing to me.
but i guess socialists like me just don't understand the economy.
anyways, let's finish talking about a movie.

i feel like War Dogs might be antisemitic propaganda.
i doubt it was conceptualized and made explicitly to be antisemitic propaganda, i don't think it is that self aware, but after having watched it, i don't know how anybody could take away anything else.
War Dogs stars that fat fuck Jonah Hill, who is already pretty close to being too Jewy to not be a caricature.
Jonah Hill and his Jew friend Jew around wearing yarmulkes, talking about yeshiva the Torah and conspiring with each other to screw over everybody they meet, make money at all costs, sewing war and devastation in their wake.
like a modern retelling of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
i wouldn't be surprised if the movie was written and produced by Mel Gibson on a bender.

War Dogs wasn't quite a true story, but it was based-on-a-true-story enough to make me feel like i learned something new.
movies that are entertaining but also informative are my very favorite kind of movie.
for being entertaining but also informative, for teaching me a bit about how the arms business works but for only making me question how capitalism works even further and for being over-the-top antisemitic for whatever that is worth, War Dogs earns an 8.4/10.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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