1)
while the PSE was away at the Drug Study, i decided to try to let the Monster up into the bed for cuddle time.
currently, the Monster is not allowed up in the bed.
there was a time for a few weeks after the Monster came to live with us that we let her sleep in bed with us, but that was just while we were working on her house-training, so that she wouldn't go out and piss in the living room while we slept.
after we got the Monster housebroken, she started sleeping in her own little nest under my nightstand.
the bed is for people only.
it is important that your pets respect your space. it is a way to assert your dominance.
but that means that if the PSE and i want to have a cuddle with the Monster, we are limited to neutral ground, the floor or the sofa.
but that's a pain in the ass sometimes, especially first thing in the morning or right before bed.
i'd like to be able to call the Monster into bed first thing when i wake up, or last thing before i fall asleep for a cuddle, then send her on her way when i'm through.
it would be more convenient then having to get down on the floor.
the plan was always to try allowing the Monster up into the bed for cuddles, By Invitation Only, after she got accustomed to knowing who sleeps where.
unfortunately, i suspect i was a little too premature in letting the Monster up into the bed.
after letting her into the promised land twice, once at night and once the following morning, the Monster decided she is entitled to be in the bed whenever she likes and for the subsequent three nights, the Monster woke me up by jumping up into bed with me.
i'd have to wake up and snap “GET DOWN!” at her, and that made us both sad.
and for the subsequent three days, i would catch her napping in my bed, in the middle of my blankets.
goddammit, buddy! you can't be up here without an invitation.
why can't you understand these arbitrary and ever-changing rules that i've invented for you to follow!?!
it looks like the PSE and i are going to be inconvenienced by floor and sofa cuddles only for the foreseeable future.

2)
the first thing the PSE and i did after the PSE got out of her time in the Drug Study was to give the Monster a bath.
i washed, the PSE blow-dried.
the PSE gave the Monster a bath the night before she checked into the Study but fifteen nights later the Monster was fucking filthy again.
this is a problem with the Monster's coat.
the Monster is part Shih-Tzu part Yorkshire Terrier, but her coat is more Yorkie then Shih-Tzu, silky and thin and it looks greasy really easily.
i have the same problem.
four days after a bath the Monster looks like she's due for another one.
fifteen days after a bath an the Monster looks like she'd been living in the sewer.
our old dog, Dog, was fluffy as shit and used to be able to go months between needing baths.
which was fortunate, as she was shit at bath-times.
happily, Monster is a fucking sweetheart and washing her is a cakewalk compared to the two-hour fights Dog used to put up.
but it's still a pain in the ass.

3)
while the PSE was away at the Drug Study she sent away for a shock collar from the Amazon Dot Com.
it arrived a few days before the PSE got home.
the PSE has designs to electrocute our pet.

Monster is a great dog, very sweet and very loving, but she has two significant problems.
the first is that when we go out on walks, the Monster will go darting after cats and try to get into fights with dogs across fences.
the second is that she cannot be left home alone without becoming pathologically destructive.
the PSE hopes to cure both of those problems with electroshock therapy.
like Mike Pence did for the Gays in Indiana.
i was not excited about the introduction of a torture device into our family dynamic, but, having tried every other method of behavior modification i could think of, this was the only one left for under $30.

the shock collar the PSE bought has three settings, it can beep, it can vibrate and it can zap.
it comes with a remote control that allows the user to decide what method of torture is appropriate for what their misbehaving dog is getting up to.
i did not touch the thing when it arrived, this is the PSE's project.
though, i did insist that before the PSE try the contraption out on the Monster, that we shock ourselves first.
the shock collar has a setting between 1 and 100.
we were expecting the first twenty settings or so to be barely noticeable but it gave more then enough of a kick at setting 1.
we haven't dared to zap ourselves with a 30 or a 50 or a 70, so, we can't very well zap the Monster, either.
really, though, we haven't used the zap setting on the Monster at all.
so far, the vibration setting is enough to do the job.
thank goodness.

i did not join the PSE on the inaugural walk with the shock collar, though, when the PSE came back she reported a success.
the Monster found a cat under one of the cars in the parking lot, the Monster is perpetually on the hunt for parking lot cats, but before she could give chase the PSE hit the 'vibrate' button on the remote, causing the black box around the Monster's neck to vibrate, startling her out of her instinct to chase.
having broken the Monster's concentration, she came back to the PSE's side when summoned.
the next time the PSE and the Monster had a walk i went along to witness the improvement for myself.
sure enough, the vibration seems to be enough to do the trick to snap the Monster out of her bad outdoor behaviors and keep her close.
this has not only improved the Monster's off-leash walking skills, it has been a benefit for the PSE, too.
whereas the PSE used to be a huge bitch about taking the Monster on a walk around the neighborhood off-leash, the PSE can now feel secure that she can press a button and get the Monster under control.
the PSE loves having control over things.

i'm not going to say that the Monster's walking problems are cured.
the ultimate goal is to have the Monster able to walk along beside us off-leash without needing a vibrating box around her neck to snap her out of her animalistic spells, but that will take months, maybe years of training.
it is nice to finally be on the right track.
the PSE hopes to be able to use the vibrating box to snap the Monster out of destroying our house, too.
she plans to set up a webcam in the house and go hide out in the car, watching for when the Monster becomes destructive then giving her a vibrate to try to snap her out of it.
the PSE hasn't tried that, yet.
i haven't had an occasion to leave the house.

//[ab irato ad astra]
.

July 2017

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