when the PSE got out of the Dallas Drug Study a few weeks ago she decided to buy herself a treat.
she'd just earned $3,750 dollars, why not?
granted, when you factor how long the PSE's been unemployed, five months, earning $3,750 doesn't work out to all that much to celebrate, but, what am i gonna do, begrudge the PSE a reward?
the PSE went on the Amazon Dot Com and ordered herself a ukulele for $50.
it arrived in the mail a day or two after the PSE got out of the Drug Study and she's been playing with i ever since.

when the PSE was a teenager her dad got her a cheepo acoustic guitar from a downtown Reno pawn shop.
it was one of the only things the PSE took with her when she left her Grandmother's house and we carried it around with us for years moving from apartment to apartment to apartment but the PSE never really learned how to play it and it eventually broke.
the PSE doesn't really have any musical talent, but i like the idea that she might, one day, so i encourage her in her efforts to learn.
what the PSE does have, -a talent that i lack- is a persistence and willingness to learn.
whereas if i am not immediately good at something i will give up and call it gay, the PSE will sit for hours and hours and hours and hours watching YouTube tutorials trying to learn something.
it's an admirable skill.
i don't know how people learned to play the ukulele before YouTube was a thing, but i guess the PSE was fortunate to have been born into the right era.

it's been about two weeks now that the PSE's been teaching herself ukulele.
i don't know that she can play any songs all the way through yet, but she can produce several bars worth of popular numbers.
Stand By Me , Creep, Can't Help Falling In Love, Hallelujah, Margaritaville, Werewolves Of London.
Stand By Me is probably her best.
sometimes the PSE will kinda-sorta try to sing, too, but she is too shy and self-conscious by nature to make a good singer.
i don't have that problem.
i can't sing for shit, but i'm fine making an arse of myself, so maybe one day we'll start a family band.
likely we won't, though.

as soon as the PSE got out of the Dallas Drug Study i wanted her to set herself to cleaning the apartment.
she'd been gone for over two weeks and the place was a mess.
there was piss all over the toilet, a stack of dirty dishes in the sink, dust and hair and grime around the bathtub, the laundry was piling up.
if i had all the time in the world i might have set myself to cleaning the shit myself, but i was super busy with Law School and writing LiveJournals and watching several hours of TV per day, so, i couldn't be expected to do any cleaning.
but, the PSE's hear now so, okay, great, let's go! get to work! clean my house! let's get started!
unfortunately the PSE was not amenable to the plans i had for her. she just wanted to sit around and learn to play ukulele all day.
we had at least one big fight about it. maybe more then one.
i'll get naggy and resentful of the PSE lazing about while i have to work so hard on Law School stuff all day and the PSE will get resentful of me being naggy and insist that she has an absolute, unqualified right to be as lazy and good-for-nothing as she wants to be.
this is a constant tension in our family.
eventually i was able to prod the PSE to start cleaning, but it took the better part of two weeks for the PSE to get around to everything that had to be done on the house-chores list and by the time she'd finished, the things that she'd cleaned at the beginning were already starting to get dirty again.
the end result is that we live like disgusting slobs.

when the PSE wasn't learning how to pick at her ukulele all day she spent her time on her favorite hobby, picking at her face.
the PSE is the most vain person i know.
i mean, sure, i would like to be beautiful, who wouldn't, but whereas i am content to let my body do whatever the hell it is going to do, the PSE spends a surprising amount of time and money trying to retard the aging process.
some of this might be because i spent most of our relationship talking about how gross and disgusting and old people over 27 are and the PSE is staring down the barrel of 31. i'm sure that didn't help anything.
though, most of it is just the PSE's own narcissism.

the PSE sent away for a contraption off the Amazon Dot Com that is a series of razors on a wheel that she can roll across her face, carving it all up.
all the little cuts it causes are supposed to make the PSE look prettier, somehow? i don't know how.
the PSE bought one of these horrible things before several years ago but i guess she lost it or she threw it out because it's super painful and terrible.
when the PSE used the contraption her face got all red and she would wince in pain and terror, but she kept on going because i think she might have some kind of mild body dysmorphia sickness.
the PSE has also taken to trying to dig out burst capillaries with a hot safetypin.
the PSE has a few tiny red dots on her chest.
they are one-dimensional, under the skin and don't bother me any, but the PSE does not like them.
and rather then just going to a dermatologist to have them taken care of [because our Obamacare insurance is pretty much worthless, and because, even if we had good health insurance, dermatologists aren't always good for much] the PSE will go at herself.
just thinking of the things the PSE does to herself makes me a little queesy.
she reminds me of a sick bird in a cage, tearing out its own feathers.
if the PSE keeps up this regiment, she may very well need to be institutionalized at some point in the future.

another beauty experiment the PSE conducted was fucking with aloe.
not just the stuff that comes in body lotions and creams, she went straight to the source.
the PSE went to the Central Market and bought herself a palm of an aloe plant for $2.99.
it looked like the palm of any other desert plant, like a cactus cousin.
following instructions she found on the internet, the PSE cut into the aloe palm and scooped out the insides to put on her face later.
but, what we found inside the aloe palm was surprising.
it was slimy in texture, like mucus, and it had an unsettling stink, not like flora but more like meat.
rancid meat.
the whole thing was surprisingly gross. like if vaginas were a plant, they would be aloe.
after harvesting all the aloe goop from the palm leaf the PSE put it in a jar and spent the next several days smearing the stuff on her face.
normally i'm always game for a facial but when the PSE smeared the stuff on me one time it just made me uncomfortable.
it was hard to not feel like my face was being attacked by some kind of jellyfish creature.

//[ab irato ad astra]
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September 2017

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