the PSE and i have nearly run out of our cache of movies and TV shows to watch.
not that we've finally caught up with all of the television and movies that interest us over the past few years, that's a substantial undertaking that will take a long time because Hollywood keeps churning out more and more shit for us to shovel, we've just run out of all the movies and TV that we have downloaded.
we'll need to go back to the well to replenish our stores.

in a simpler time, when the PSE and i wanted to watch something, we would go on the TOR browser and navigate on over to Kick Ass Torrents to steal what we needed.
every day we'd pluck a movie or an episode of a TV show off of the piracy tree and in that way we kept up to date with our stories.
but that was the old way of doing business, back before the PSE and i went on our Great Adventure Around The World.
since we got back, the world of internet piracy has changed.
Kick Ass Torrents got shut down for a while by the FBI.
they're back up and running now, but i am suspicious it might all be a trap.
also, a program called Peer Block that i used to help mask my internets when i went pirating stopped getting updated and to the best of my knowledge, another program hasn't stepped in to take its place.
all of this has culminated in a kind of dark age of internet piracy.
the two times i tried pirating things from the apartment i got Digital Millennium Copyright Act notifications from my internet provider warning that if i keep it up, i might could go to prison.
not wanting to go to prison, i had to think of something else to do.

according to my research, lots of people these days use Virtual Private Networks and/or private trackers to do their internet piracy.
they would also work well for hiring a contract killer online or the distribution of child pornography, i imagine, but that's not my intent.
neither VPNs nor private trackers would suit my purposes, however.
Virtual Private Networks are networks that are virtually private, they work similarly to TOR in that they bounce your internet traffic all around the world to hide your original IP address [i think] but they do it in a slightly different way from TOR that is more efficient for internet piracy.
the problem with Virtual Private Networks is that i haven't found one that doesn't charge you for their services.
if i wanted to pay between $3 and $15 per month to watch TV and movies for free, i'd just get a Blockbuster Video card.
private trackers, as i understand them [and i might be wrong] are torrent websites like Kick Ass Torrents or The Pirate Bay, only you can't just log into them, you have to be invited.
there is a social networking component to them, and i don't want to get into all that.
i don't have friends in real life, i don't want them on the internet and having to make internet friends just to watch a movie for free seems like way more trouble then it's worth.
if i was going to get all the free movies and television programs that i believe are my inalienable rights as a first-worlder in the 21st Century, i would have to find another way.

since getting two threatening letters from our internet provider the PSE and i have decided that we need to do our internet piracy away from our home.
don't shit where you eat, they say.
so, rather then casually downloading one or two things per day as needed, we've changed our strategy to download a whole buttload of stuff to last us months and months and months.
it has the added effect of allowing us to binge-watch entire series rather then nibbling at them one per week at a time.
but, doing this away from our apartment can be a logistical pain in the ass.
so far, we've done one big download while we were in the Dallas Drug Study last June and then a second big download when we were visiting my Parents back in December.
the Dallas Drug Study warns you “Do Not Download Shit! We Monitor Our Internet And You Will Get In Trouble!!!” but so far that seems to be poppycock.
it might be a rotten thing to do to download a bunch of stuff at my Parents' house, under the IP address associated with my Father but the technical specifics of what transpired is so far removed from what my Father can understand it would be like framing a houseplant for murder.
even if my Father was to get a DMCA notification in the mail he would just assume it was nonsense gobbledygook from a Nigerian hacker trying to steal his identity and cautiously disregard it.
but, it's been over five months since the PSE and i last brought in a media haul and we've finally consumed the last of it.
with no Drug Studies or visits back to New Jersey on the horizon, we would have to come up with somewhere else to go to mask our piracy.

it was the PSE's idea to try the Starbucks.
i didn't think that would work, surely if you could pirate movies and TV over Starbuck's network people would camp out there all day and night, but, to our surprise when the PSE brought her laptop to go check it out, their networks were wide open.
over the course of the next three days and nights, the PSE and i were able to download ten seasons of TV shows and fourteen movies.

Starbucks Piracy was mostly the PSE's mission.
on her first run, the PSE walked down to the Starbucks two blocks from our apartment at 8:30pm, just to test the waters.
once she saw that she could download torrents she called me and the Monster and i came along with my laptop and the TITSwagon.
we sat in the Wagon in the Starbucks parking lot on their wi-fi, no password no nothin', and we spent an hour clicking through the Pirate Bay taking what we needed.
the Starbucks shut down, the workers buzzed around us taking out the night's trash, they surely noticed us sitting in the dark car, our faces illuminated by computer light, but they didn't pay us any mind.
once we got all the downloads going the PSE and i left our laptops in the car to download and took the Monster on a walk around the neighborhood.
we didn't want to stray too far should some criminal try to break into the Wagon and steal our computers. theft is an unforgivable crime when it happens in real life.
we did walk around the block a few times, then we headed over to a McDonald's where the PSE got a chocolate sundae and i had an Oreo McFlurry.
i haven't had a McFlurry in over a decade but those shits are delicious.
after two hours the battery on the PSE's laptop was shot.
mine still had juice, but there is only so long you can hang around in a parking lot.

the next day the PSE went back to the Starbucks during the day to download some more.
this time she sat in the storefront, ordering a strawberry milkshake with a gift card i got from my Law School for some reason i don't remember.
she put in over four hours this go-round, before she could stand it no longer.
the day after that the PSE went back to the Starbucks one last time.
this time, she got her laptop set up her her car, then spent the next few hours running errands.
she walked over to the Central Market to do some grocery shopping, she went to the public library to return some books, then she came back to the house and hung out with me for a while.
by the time she went back to the Starbucks parking lot the last of her downloads had finished, mission accomplished.
we now have enough movies and TV shows to last us through the Summer.
hopefully by the time the Fall comes around we'll be living in some kind of techno-socialist paradise where everybody can have free access to all the TV and movies they could ever want.
to each according to their interest from Hollywood, because those Jews have enough already.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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