two months or so ago i went to my G.P. complaining about frequent urination and she referred me to a Urologist.
two or three weeks later i went to see a Urologist, an elderly, in-your-face-Christian man who, after i told him my problem took one look at my penis and decided my dickhole was too small.
urethral stricture, they call it.
it can be cause by different kinds of V.D., i think, but because i don't have V.D. [honest!] the blame can most likely be laid on subsequent trauma to the tip of my penis after its protective sheath of foreskin was removed by a religious pervert to appease a peculiar and imaginary Old Testament god.
they really ought to outlaw involuntary circumcisions for non-medical reasons.
anyways, the Urologist told me that the fix to my problem was to go in there [my dickhole!] and widen the hole.
like Charles Bronson digging tunnels in The Great Escape.

i was apprehensive about having surgery on my dick because A) it's surgery on my goddamned dick, B) i use my dick every day, C) the Urologist talked to me about it for all of fifteen seconds and then left the room before i could ask any of the dozens of questions i had about how the procedure would go and my recover time, and D) the Urologist seemed like a jerk who was angry that i pissed him off and i thought there was a possibility that this might all be about spite.
i wanted to see another Urologist for a second opinion but this was the only dick doctor within a hundred miles that takes my shite Obamacare insurance.
i tried to ask my lady-G.P. about it, but she just shrugged because what the fuck does she know about dicks?
with no other options i decided not to cancel the surgical appointment i had made, to see where this adventure would take me.

i had scheduled surgery for Friday 12, May, right in the middle of my time off from Law School to allow for recovery but then a few weeks later some lady from the Urologist's office called to tell me that they would have to push it back to Friday the 19th.
that was a problem because Summer Session of Law School was set to begin on Monday 22, May and the Urologist's Receptionist said i would need one week of recovery time.
i explained the conflict to the Urologist's Receptionist and she said she would “see what she could do” but, of course, that's code for 'fuck you, buddy,' so i was stuck having surgery on the 19th.
i would just have to show up for my first few days of Law School Summer Session high on pain killers and/or bleeding through the groin of my sweatpants.

when the Urologist's Receptionist called me back to tell me that the 19th was the only day they could do my surgery she also asked me if i would like to settle up.
i don't have the slightest idea how much it costs to do a urethral stricture surgery because prices in medicine have no actual correlation to reality.
medical billing is just a field where people make up numbers at random, the higher the better, and then see if they can get people to pay them.
my shite Obamacare insurance has a $600 deductible which means i have to come out of pocket $600 before they will pay dime one.
coincidentally, the Urologist's Receptionist said that surgery would be $590.
but, my shite Obamacare also has a $600 out-of-pocket maximum which means that in any given year, i can't pay more then $600 for any of my various medical expenses.
i told the Urologist's Receptionist that i had already paid out $90 to my G.P and the pharmacy and so i couldn't pay them any more then $510.
the woman didn't like that answer.
she told me that she called my Obamacare insurance and they told her $590.
i told her i couldn't pay any more then $510.
we both sat there on the phone for a while, waiting for the other to budge.
“what do you want to do...?”
“what do you want to do...?”
the lady got all high-handed with me and said “i've been doing this a long time...”
“i suppose you've been doing it wrong, then...” i said, and things got really testy.
finally the lady said she would call me back, ostensibly to reconfirm with my insurance, but less then three minutes later she called back to say $510 would be fine.
of course it would be.
“nope!” i said, and i told her i would pay the day before surgery.
who knows what could happen in the intervening weeks. if i get run over by a truck, i'd rather die $510 richer.

two days before my scheduled surgery date i got a call from the hospital where my surgery would occur.
the Hospital Receptionist went through a whole bunch of medical questions and then, at the end, she asked me to pay the hospital's bill.
coincidentally, it was also $510.
i told her i would pay some of it, and i ended up giving them $235 from two VISA rewards cards that i got from my insurance.
as much as i shit on my Obamacare health insurance, they have a program called My Health Pays or something like that where you can earn money on a rewards card for completing healthy activities on the computer.
i don't know what kind of healthy activities can be completed on the computer, it seems like a oxymoron of a system, but the PSE handles it, so i don't really know.
i think she goes through and reports to the website that we've been jogging or counting calories in our meals?
the PSE earned us $200 on each of our My Health Pays cards, $400 total.
that money can't be used for anything else, i can't go buy a PlayStation 4 with it, it can only go to pay down medical stuff.
i had previously used $90 paying my G.P. and pharmacist, leaving me $310 left to spend.
but, because there was a lag between when the PSE does the activities on the internet and when the rewards post to our cards, the last $75 hadn't come through on my account until the day of my surgery so, when the Hospital called, all i had to give them was $235.
they took it gladly.

one day before surgery the Urologist's Receptionist called to demand payment.
she wanted $510 but i told her “sorry, you're too late” that i already paid a bunch of money to the Hospital.
i suggested she got talk to the hospital but she demanded that i give her something so i agreed to pay her $200.
that last $75 still didn't come through on the My Health Pays rewards card so i had to pay her legal tender out of my own pocket.
so, in total, my big dick surgery ended up costing me $200 in real money coming out of my bank account.
which sucks Because Healthcare Is A Human Right And In Any Just Society Ought To Be Free, but it could have been worse.
with the remaining $75 in My Health Pays reward play-money, we'll just apply that to any medical bills the PSE racks up between now and the end of the year.
she's got her own $600 out-of-pocket maximum that she hasn't even begun to scratch.

with nobody happy about their payments, i was all set to report for surgery on 19, May, which was last Friday.
continued tomorrow. stay tuned!

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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