last Sunday, the 21st of May, was the PSE's birthday. she turned 31, which is a lot.
if i had my druthers i would date a twenty year old, but the PSE is the mate i've got and she just keeps on getting older so i'm stuck on that ride.
really, more troubling then the PSE's slow march away from attractiveness and into infirmity is the fact that i am expected to make a fuss out of it.
i hate having to make a fuss out of things. i have a hard enough time trying to get myself to shower twice a week, where the fuck am i gonna find the time to fuss?

the PSE's birthday couldn't have come at a more inconvenient time this year.
it was at the very end of a two-week break from Law School, but i already had to start looking towards Summer classes and all the reading i had to do for that shit.
plus, i had doctor's appointments i had to make, and a major surgical operation on my penis that i had to subject myself to just two days before the PSE's birthday.
all that added up to me not really being able to do all that much to celebrate the PSE's special day.
which always makes me feel like a heel which in turn makes me feel resentful.

as a rule, experiential birthday activities are better then physical presents.
creating a memory together is a better way to mark an occasion, especially when the PSE and i pool our money anyways, so a physical present isn't a net gain of stuff.
i made a call over to the Dallas Aviary Center because for a few PSE birthdays now i've entertained the idea of taking her to go play with birds.
that seems interesting, doesn't it?
i talked to a lady in the Aviary Center who, surprisingly enough, said sure, for $20 we could come over and maybe they could rustle up a few owls for us to interact with.
i was hoping for a Condor, but owls might be fun, too.
but then logistics got the better of that idea.
the PSE and i would have to find something to do with the Monster while we went to the Aviary Center because she can't be left home alone and i don't know if the Doggie Daycare is open on Sundays.
also, who wants to spend their birthday driving an hour to Dallas and another hour back again?
the biggest reason not to go that route, however, was that, two days after having surgery on my penis, i didn't know how keen i would be to walking around in the hot sun.
and there was a chance that the smell of blood in the air might send a raptor dive-bombing at my penis like a wounded little mouse.

unable to do my PSE-and-birds idea [one year we'll pull that one off] i decided that the more sensible route would be to spend the day together hanging around the house.
but, to differentiate it from all the other days we spend hanging around the house, watching our stories and farting into the couch cushions, i decided we would play games.
the PSE and i aren't board game people, but i think i would like us to be.
so one day a week before the PSE's birthday i drove over to a Toys-R-Us and bought us Monopoly and Risk.
then, that night, i found a website that can turn a personalized photo into a jigsaw puzzle so i ordered that to come in the mail, too.
when i got back from the Toys-R-Us i left the board games in my TITSwagon, intending to go out and get them on the morning of the PSE's birthday but several days previous the PSE discovered them when we went out to run errands and i forgot to specifically tell her to take her car, not mine.
which ruined the surprise, but i guess it was fortuitous because it meant the PSE and i got to spend the next half a week playing Risk.

i have never played Risk before but it turns out the game is awesome.
the PSE played the game a few times when she was in the Dallas Drug Study last month and she really enjoyed it and was super-excited to have the opportunity to play it at home with me.
until we actually started playing.
it turns out that i am really good at Risk. and why wouldn't i be?
the first time the PSE and i played the game lasted a fun five hours.
it took me a while to get the knack of the rules, but i figured out a basic strategy after a while and ended up conquering the world through Asia.
we played again two days later and i took Australia and Africa pretty quickly.
i won that game more efficiently and in a shorter amount of time, maybe only two hours.
we played a third time the following day and by then the PSE was just pissy.
the game lasted maybe a little more then an hour before i had taken the Americas from the PSE and she was salty about the whole thing.
“this sucks! this fucking sucks! i fucking hate this!!!” she was a real bad-sport.
by the time the PSE's birthday came around, you could tell she didn't even want to play Risk, and probably won't be up for another game in quite some time.
i enjoyed myself quite a bit.
after each game of Risk we played, i would have subsequent Risk-related dreams that night.
i like knowing that my subconscious is at work while i'm sleeping.

the PSE woke up at 1:00pm on the day of her birthday, the 21st.
i knew i should wake up to start the day with her, but i kept on sleeping until 3:00pm.
by the time i got out of bed the PSE was hungry and a bit cranky.
i offered to go to the store to get groceries to cook her something nice, but the PSE suggested we just go get sandwiches instead.
i had planned on cooking the PSE a nice big dinner for her birthday because in the entire history of our long relationship, i haven't cooked for the PSE more then, say, six times.
the PSE is bothered by that, even though i'm not really a good cook.
she would like if i made an effort to feed her like she has had to do for me over the past twelve-plus years, so, i figured, hell, once on her birthday was the least i could do.
i conceptualized a menu but, when i asked the PSE if she had any input on what she wanted to eat for her special day she said that she didn't want to spend her birthday watching me cook.
we would just go get sandwiches.
well, the PSE was really taking the air out of meager birthday plans but, if that's what you want, PSE, then okay...

the PSE and i took the Monster for a walk over to get sandwiches from the grocery store.
the kid who made my sandwich mislabeled it so, when i complained to Customer Service, they just gave it to me free, which was nice.
then we came back to the house and i gave the PSE the puzzle i had custom-ordered off the internet.
the PSE spent the entire rest of her birthday doing that.
it was a 500 piece puzzle and took the PSE no less then nine hours to complete.
the jigs weren't cut out distinctly and there were several pieces that could fit together well-enough.
fortunately, the PSE has a mild case of autism and enjoys sitting quietly for hours at a time working at niggling, repetitive tasks like this.
i thought we would do the together, but i just couldn't.
working a jigsaw puzzle is the most boring thing in the fucking world for me.

at some point during the day of watching the PSE do a jig-saw puzzle i went into the kitchen and got out a cake i had made the night before.
i called a few bakeries and ice cream shops to see about buying the PSE a birthday cake, but ultimately decided home-made is best.
i bought a box of Duncan Hines chocolate cake mix and baked it with extra milk-chocolate chips and cherries.
once that baked up, i cut the cake in half and smeared in a pint of Belgian chocolate Häagen-Dazs ice cream in the middle and layered it with more cherries.
i finished the case with melted chocolate chips instead of frosting because cake frosting is always too sweet and gross and i topped the cake with more cherries and some white sugar pearls.
the whole thing looked a fucking mess, but it tasted good enough.

i pinned up the 'Happy Birthday' banner that we use to commemorate birthdays and sang the Happy Birthday song at the PSE.
she blew out her candles and we ate some cake, then the PSE went back to her puzzle.
i got out some colored-pencils and drew the PSE some coupons for birthday presents i could offer her at a later occasion.
like a thoughtless child might do.
technically the PSE is entitled to a birthday blowjob, that's international law, but because of the surgery i had on my penis, i didn't want to risk getting excited by the act, getting a boner and popping the head of the thing right off the shaft.
the PSE would have to take her birthday BJ in the form of an IOU, and, since i was handing out vouchers, i threw in a few nice back-rubs and a bonus BJ, too.
it was quite literally the least i could do.

and so went the rest of the PSE's not-so-special special day.
none of the PSE's friends or family called her; not the Gibbler, not her Grandma, not her Brother.
the PSE's Deadbeat Dad called the PSE the day before her birthday to grouse about some trouble he was having with his girlfriend, but he was totally unaware of the proximity of the PSE's birthday.
my Parents were thoughtful enough to send her a card with a check for $100.

happy birthday, PSE!
i love you very much, as old as you may be!

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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