after years and years and years and years of having it on my To-Do list, i finally went out and got myself a motorcycle last week. [see yesterday's post]
and the PSE lost her shit.

i have wanted a motorcycle as long as i can remember. at least since the first time i saw Terminator 2.
i've certainly had plans to get myself a motorcycle for as long as the PSE and i have been together and i shared that aspiration with the PSE along with all of my other life-goals.
the PSE had twelve years to object though she never did.
though, to be fair, i also have an aspiration to be the mayor of the moon, so maybe the PSE didn't think it was worth fighting about things until they seemed more concrete.
it was only in the past year or so, since i started taking active steps to further my motorcycle plans that the PSE began to make her objections known.
“oh, i don't want you to get a motorcycle” she would say.
“that's your right,” i would say, dismissing her.
every time the subject would come up the PSE would get all upset, quiet and ill-tempered.
she would say that she wasn't going to help me with this project, that i would be entirely on my own.
and i would tell her again, “that's your right...”
a few times she got really gloomy and morose and said “i don't know if we're going to survive this...”
and i would shrug and say “that's unfortunate...” but ultimately, if the PSE feels that she can no longer be in a relationship with me just because i have a motorcycle, well, that's her right, too.
that can't possibly change my calculus.
what am i gonna do, not do something i have always wanted to do just because somebody else tells me to? i am not that kind of TITS.

on a few occasions i have asked the PSE to make her case.
i take the position that the PSE doesn't have the right to ask me not to get a motorcycle, that it is overstepping her bounds.
i am a free TITS and my right to do as i please is absolute and unqualified.
but, in the spirit of being a good boyfriend, in trying to make the PSE feel like she is heard and her concerns are acknowledged, i figured i would entertain her arguments.
if the PSE could somehow make a case as to why i shouldn't do a thing that i have always wanted to do, if she could present some point that i had never considered before that would radically change my mind about the whole thing then i would listen to it.
i am not not fair-minded.
and because the PSE felt so strongly about the subject, because she was all worked up in a way i have never seen before, i really did try to be empathetic and try to see things from her point of view.
out of curiosity, if nothing else.
the PSE was acting legitimately traumatized by the whole thing like she once got raped by a motorcycle. i wanted to understand where all this drama and hyperventilation was coming from.

the PSE had four arguments as to why i should not get a motorcycle.
the first was logistical.
there are two people in our family who can operate a motor vehicle and, if i was to get a motorcycle we would have three vehicles.
if the PSE and i were to move out of Fort Worth, it would be a pain in the ass.
it's not like we have any friends or family to help out. the PSE and i are all on our own.
but, hopefully, if all goes according to plan i can manage to not fail out of Law School and the PSE and i will be stuck in Fort Worth for another three years.
who knows what can happen in three years.
and besides, even if i do fail out of Law School and we decide to up and leave Fort Worth next week, there are any number of ways we can manage the minor logistical difficulty of getting three vehicles to wherever we move next without it rising to the level of disaster.
an inconvenience is not a reason to torpedo a childhood dream. objection overruled.

the next argument the PSE put us as to why i shouldn't get a motorcycle was money.
the PSE didn't think it was fair of me to spend $2,500 [or however much] of our money on a toy that only i want.
since the very beginning of our relationship the PSE and i have pooled our resources.
in the grand scheme of things, i think the PSE is getting the better end of the deal. i am the only child of an upper-middle class family and the PSE is a poor orphan who came into this union with literally nothing but the cloths on her back.
over the course of our relationship the PSE and i have both brought in a fairly even amount of money from working or by other means.
i have always considered it a matter of principal not to fight and dicker about how we spend our money.
i do not want to be that kind of a couple.
if the PSE wants to buy herself something, i don't give her a hard time, and i expect the same consideration in return.
to be fair, the PSE is conservative to the point of being cheep with money, but, all the better.
still, if the PSE wants to change thirteen-plus years of doing business by telling me how i can and cannot spend our money then fine, valid argument.
i told the PSE i would purchase a motorcycle out of my own funds separate from our family funds.
of course, if our relationship survives all this ugliness this will have radical implications for financial policy going forward, the PSE has established the precedent of vetoing the other's purchases, but, that's a problem to hammer out down the road.

the third argument the PSE had against me getting a motorcycle caught me by surprise. it really was something i had never considered before.
the PSE said that me getting a motorcycle was in poor taste, that it was 'grossly male,' like being really into cars or sports or guns.
the PSE can be really, really closed-minded and judgmental when she wants to be.
i mean, i like being judgmental as much as anybody, but the PSE takes it to extremes.
the PSE will decide that she doesn't approve of something based on almost nothing and will then cling to that prejudice like it's the fucking gospel.
it can be infuriating, like dealing with a teenage know-it-all.
but, all the PSE's disgust and indignation about how awful people who are into motorcycles are doesn't make a lick of sense considering my longstanding interest in having a motorcycle.
if this was a new thing, if i woke up one day and decided i wanted to be the kind of person who was into going dancing and all i wanted to do going forward was go out to discotheques and bump and grind, then the PSE might have an argument.
but i have always been the kind of person who wanted to have a motorcycle. it has always been a part of my plan.
the PSE can't say that somehow i've changed in any way, so, the PSE's entire point was irrelevant.
dismissed.

this entry is bigger then i thought it would be. continued tomorrow...

//[ab irato ad astra]
.

July 2017

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