the PSE went down to Austin for fifteen nights to go make us some money selling her body to science.
leaving me home alone to take care of the house and the Monster.
it was lonely and i missed the PSE quite a bit.
don't get me wrong, the Monster is fine company, but she is no replacement for the PSE who i love and value and appreciate even greater in her absence.
but, also, being home alone sucks for practical reasons...
with the PSE at the Austin Drug Study for fifteen nights in the middle of the month, the Monster and i were left home alone to fend for ourselves.
which isn't as easy as it ought to be.
i am a thirty-five year old man-child who will eat cookies for dinner and die of diabetes rather then putting in the minimal time and effort to cook something healthy and the Monster is an emotional cripple.
it was a rough two weeks.

on my first day home alone i ate a hamburger and fries from Sonic for dinner.
on my second day it was 5 Guys.
on my third and fourth day home alone i ate fancy bread baked with apples and raisins that i got from the Central Market, toasted, with butter.
on my fifth day home alone i deviled some eggs for dinner.
it was my first time deviling eggs so i called the PSE to walk me through the process.
the PSE told me to bring the eggs to a rolling boil then shut off the burner and pour out the water and let the eggs cool.
i did that, but when i tried to peel the first egg i found it soft-boiled at best, a yolky mess.
then, because i'm dumb, i cracked open another egg, just to make sure.
i put the remaining eggs back in the pot and boiled water again, this time letting them sit in the rolling boil for a while.
even then, when i got into my third egg i found it less then hard-boiled.
i couldn't put the rest of the eggs back in the pot a third time, i had depleted my margin of error, so i had to just make due with what i had.
i scooped in some mayonnaise and mustard with the yolks and salt and pepper and paprika.
the PSE told me not to go overboard with the paprika but of course i went overboard with the paprika because i am an asshole and i think More Spice means More Flavor.

on my sixth day home alone i took the Monster for a walk to the Central Market down the street for a resupply.
i only planed on buying a few things, pre-made meals of some kind, but as i walked through the store i ended up filling my cart with fruit and cakes and more fruit and cookies and in the end i had spent $68 dollars, mostly on melons, and i didn't know how the hell i was going to get all of these groceries the six blocks back to my apartment.
i ended up having to stop and collapse on the curb no less then three times and after i did finally make it home, my shoulders were all sore for three days afterwards.
i didn't even eat the pre-made meals i picked up, i ate chips and salsa for dinner.
on my seventh and eighth days home alone i ate a loaf of pre-made meatloaf and a scoop of pre-made garlic mashed potatoes from the Central Market deli each.
all i had to do was warm the meatloaf and garlic mashed potatoes in the toaster oven, but even that was a little more cooking then i am comfortable with.

on my ninth day home alone i ate chips and salsa for dinner again, this time with cantaloupe.
on my tenth day home alone i figured i would make eggs again because that's what i had in the house.
when i talked to the PSE on one of our three or four daily phone calls she suggest i make egg salad.
i was just going to eat hard-boiled eggs but, sure, i think i can handle being fancy.
i had a third of a loaf of sourdough bread that had gone stale and i'd already tossed it in the garbage but if i toasted the bread the staleness would go away so i went into the trash and pulled it out again.
having learned a little about how eggs cook, this time, i put the eggs on the pot and went to take a shower for a half hour while they boiled to completion and they came out just fine.
i mushed them up with mayonnaise and mustard and relish.
they were a little too wet, but, they did the job.
on my eleventh day home alone i made banana pancakes with vanilla and cinnamon.
they weren't quite as artful as when the PSE makes pancakes, my flipping technique needs a lot of practice but they were fine.
also, when i make pancakes, i like to leave a little batter left over to dip them into, instead of using syrup.
the PSE never does that, so it's like i got to give myself a little treat.

on my twelfth day home alone i had to go back to the Central Market for more supplies.
the Monster came with me because she is crazy [see tomorrow's post.]
i didn't have any idea what i wanted from the store so i just wandered around the pre-made foods section staring at things, trying to make a meal out of them.
eventually i was able to grab a few items that could tide me over, including a small cup of Texas chili for that night.
i fucking love Texas chili.
when i used to live back east i used to have to pick the beans out of my chili because beans are gross but here in Texas they do it right, just meat and spice.
god bless Texas, they say. unless of course you're a woman who wants to have a convenient abortion or a poor person who needs medical insurance, or a trade union.
fuck beans in your chili, though.

on my thirteenth day home alone i ate a container's worth of cold sesame noodles from the Central Market pre-made section.
i didn't know if they were supposed to be served cold or warmed up. the girl at the Central Market said to eat them cold, but i don't know how seriously she took my question.
they were fucking delicious and i immediately regretted just getting a small container.
on my fourteenth day home alone i wet back to the Central Market to get a buttload more sesame noodles but, to my dismay, they didn't have any left.
i cussed and got all upset and bought myself a pre-made hunk of meatloaf and roasted potatoes, though when i got back home, i just ate chips and salsa and melon for dinner.
on my fifteenth day home alone i ate the hunk of pre-made meatloaf and roasted potatoes.
and then the PSE came home.

but the burden of having to feed myself wasn't all that being left home alone for fifteen days entails...
there was housekeeping and Monster-keeping and plant-keeping to do, all on top of my regular schedule of writing LiveJournals and taking occasional showers, which is exhausting enough already.
to my credit, i keep a tidier home then the PSE does.
when the PSE is home dishes will pile up in the sink and there will be food splatters all over the stove, though, when she is gone, the kitchen looks reasonable.
granted this is because i don't cook, but still...
i also keep on top of cleaning the bathroom and the living room and keeping our stores of drinkable water full.
i did the laundry once and i gave the Monster a bath, though that was more a matter of necessity [see tomorrow's post.]
i am a neater person then the PSE is by far, though, if given my druthers, i would trade an orderly home for a well-balance meal any day of the week.

i had a little trouble keeping up with the plants.
normally watering the plants is the PSE's purview and one evening i went out to find that out Thai basil was damned-near dead, it's water having evaporated from being out on the balcony in the hot sun.
i had no idea how long it takes a shot glass full of water to evaporate. why would i?
but, i learned from my mistakes and after a while, i was able to bring the Thai basil back to life again.
none of the plants died on my watch.
i also made a point to take the Monster on more walks then she would normally get if the PSE was around.
i made a point to take her down to Lake Como, which is a park several blocks away.
the Monster can run around and get some exercise and chase some geese if she wants to.
we go a half hour before sunset, because it is so hot in Fort Worth, you can't really be outside during the daytime.
more about the Monster in tomorrow's post. there is a lot to get into.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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