the PSE went off to do a Drug Study down in Austin for fifteen days leaving the Monster and i to take care of ourselves.
i had a bit of an obnoxious time having to feed myself [see yesterday's post] but having to care for the Monster [and having to be the Monster] has been much more of a problem.

regular readers will recall that the Monster is a fucking disaster.
she is the sweetest dog i have ever met unless there is a cat around to chase or a dog to try to fight.
or unless she is left home alone.
the second the PSE and i both leave the house the Monster will go immediate into panic mode.
she will get on edge, pacing all around the apartment.
if we're gone for more then fifteen or twenty minutes she will start to dig and tear at the carpet, tooth and claw.
a few times she's peed on our couch.
the PSE and i have tried medicating her, training her, buying her a Thunder Shirt and different pheromone sprays but nothing seems to calm her down.
it has been just about a year now since the Monster joined our family but yet, somehow, she just hasn't managed to figure out that we keep coming back for her.
calm the fuck down and take a nap on the floor like every other dog.
the only thing that makes the Monster not act like a fucking monster is having either the PSE or i home with her by her side at all times.
which is normally fine because the PSE and i are homebodies by nature [and i think it gives the PSE an excuse not to have to get a regular job] but, with the PSE out of town on Drug Study Bid'ness and my Summer Term Law School schedule, something would have to be done.

the last time the PSE did a Drug Study we ended up having to pay a few hundred dollars to a Doggie Daycare facility near the Law School to watch the little shit for a few hours every afternoon but i have and evening class schedule this go-round and they don't run Doggie Daycare at night.
if the PSE and i had any family in town or even one friend we could ask them to pet-sit but the PSE and i are cantankerous and difficult to get along with and this is the price we have to pay for that.
the Monster is just going to have to be left home alone when i have to go to class, then.
but i'll be goddamned if i'm gonna come home every Monday and Wednesday night to find the carpet all torn up and pee on the sofa so the Monster is just going to have to get locked in her crate.
there is no other way around this problem.

the first Wednesday evening after the PSE left for the Drug Study i told the Monster to 'get in your crate' which is a command she knows.
the Monster got in her crate where she sleeps next to our bed, under my nightstand.
i closed the cage door and she was fine with that but as soon as i grabbed my pants to get dressed to go out she went into freak-out mode.
she refused to calm down, she refused to take a treat from me, she just got hyper-stimulated and presumably didn't calm back down again until i returned home a few hours later.
when i walked into the apartment that first Wednesday night, i swear i could smell the Monster's adrenaline.
i went and let her out of her crate and the first thing she did was run straight to her water bowl and guzzle down more water then i've ever seen her drink.
then she came over to me and i got a look at her. she looked bad.
the Monster was wet all around her snout, not from drinking but from slobber or dog sweat or liquid panic and fear.
her front paws were wet from her nervously licking them but, most noteworthy, the corneas of her eyes were all pink and inflamed like she had an allergic reaction to being left home alone.
it's entirely possible that the next two weeks might be the death of my dog.

unfortunately for the Monster i had a Dentist appointment scheduled for that Thursday so she had to go back in her crate and freak the fuck out all over again.
this time, because i wasn't going to school where i would need my computer, i set up my laptop in front of the Monster's crate to see what she does while i'm away. it was pretty much what i expected.
as soon as i shut the door to the crate and give any indication that i'm going to be leaving the house, the Monster begins panicking.
she will kick back all the blankets in her crate and start to dig dig dig dig dig at the plastic tray at the bottom of the cage.
then she got a hold of a Mexican serape we kept over her crate for warmth and she tore tore tore tore tore at that through the bars until she made a hole the size of a human face.
all of this destruction would have been our carpet if we gave the Monster free run of the apartment.
occasionally the Monster would let out a bark, a raspy, gruff “rrrap!” that sounds silly and odd because of the infrequency of her vocalizing.
fortunately the barking is infrequent, i don't want to be one of those assholes with a barky dog.

i was off at the Dentist for over two hours before i came home and let the Monster out of her torment.
i didn't care to watch the whole video that was recorded but i sent it over to the PSE for her review.
the PSE said that there were periods where the Monster would seemingly quit freaking out and lay down in her crate for several minutes at a time.
the PSE took that a sign of progress, that all the hours and hours and hours of crate training that she's been putting in with the Monster was having some positive effect but, of course, after those little breaks the Monster would resume freaking out again.
and her face was still a mess, wet around the muzzle, swollen in the corneas.
i didn't think dogs physically cried to express frustration and sadness but this one does, it seems.

the Monster got to spend the weekend hanging out with me.
the Monster is almost always by my side and we live in a small one-bedroom apartment, but it seemed like she stuck extra close to me.
she even came into the bathroom to sit with me while i pooped which is something she hasn't really done since she first came to live with us.
but Monday came around again and i had to tell the Monster once again 'get in your crate.'
i locked the cage, grabbed my out-cloths and the Monster shifted into freak-the-fuck-out mode.
when i came home from class that evening i was surprised to open the bedroom door and find that the Monster had somehow managed to rotate her crate and the nightstand it sits under ninety degrees.
i don't know how the hell she managed that one, the Monster only weighs nine and a half pounds, but i guess she just thrashed around in her crate enough and that's what happened.
the Monster cause my book and lamp to crash to the floor. fortunately nothing broke, but from the new angle the Monster was able to get her teeth on my I-Phone charger and she chewed that up.
i am glad the Monster didn't electrocute herself, though, i'm gonna consider this her third suicide attempt.
most oddly, from the new angle of her crate the Monster was able to somehow get a hold of a pair of the PSE's shoes in a rack over a foot away. she was able to pull both shoes into the crate and chewed one up pretty bad.
the PSE just ordered those shoes off the internet, too. it is hard to find decent shoes.

on Tuesday i had an appointment with the Urologist so it was back into the crate for the Monster.
i kept anticipating that one day she just wouldn't, that i would have to pick her up and shove her in there and maybe it would turn into our first fight but the Monster complied.
she is a good dog like that.
when i returned from the Urologist i was happy to find that the crate and nightstand above it where right where i left them.
i called that progress but then, later that night when i was refolding the Monster's blankets to make them a more comfortable nest for her to sleep in i noticed a pee smell.
the Monster had peed her bed. like little John Wayne Gacy and Jeffrey Dahmer used to do.
i thought we were over this, the Monster hasn't peed in our apartment in over half a year [and before that she was only doing it when she would be left home alone] but i guess all the stress from being left home alone got the better of her and she just pissed.
either that or she did it intentionally, to be spiteful.
dogs aren't supposed to foul their own nests, that's the whole point of crating them, but i guess even the basic desire to not sleep in your own piss is overridden by whatever the fuck is wrong with the Monster's brain.
so i had to get up and do a load of laundry and give the Monster a bath.

on Wednesday before i went off to Law School i made sure to take the Monster on no less then three walks.
i told her to 'get in your crate' and she did and i went off to school and when i came home the crate was where i left it and her blankets were dry with no smell of piss.
the Monster's face, though, was a disaster.
in addition to looking all wet around her muzzle and swollen in her eyes, the Monster was also beginning to loose a patch of fur on the side of her nose.
what the fuck is happening to you, buddy, biologically!?!
this was what the Monster looked like when we first adapted her from the Humane Society, like she got the shit kicked out of her by stress.
fortunately for both of us i didn't have anywhere else i needed to be and the Monster got to have another weekend sticking close by my side.

this past Monday was the Monster's last time being left home alone.
the PSE advised me to chuck a pair of my dirty underpants into the crate with the Monster.
thinking that my nut sweat and old farts might somehow be a calming influence.
if the Monster was a human everything we were doing would be child abuse but because she's a dog and doesn't have any rights, sure, i'll lock her in a cage with my dirty underpants, why not?
i don't know if the PSE's panty strategy had any effect because i didn't record the Monster while i was away.
the Monster's face was still wet with fear/anger and her blankets were all kicked backward from her compulsive digging, but the crate was in its original position and everything inside was dry.

the PSE got out of the Drug Study on Wednesday and made it back up to the apartment in Fort Worth before i had to leave for School again, drawing an end to the Monster's terrible, horrible, no-good very bad two weeks.

//[ab irato ad astra]

September 2017

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