i consider myself to be a knowledgeable, worldly fella.
i go to Law School for free for fuck's sake, i ain't dumb.
i make an effort to be at least conversant on a wide-variety of subjects so that should opportunities for different topics of conversation present themselves, i can acquit myself honorably.
of course, i don't really get much of a chance to show off my wealth of knowledge, or even to have all that many conversations because i am mean and weird and don't have any friends
i spend most of my life hanging around in my apartment and most of that time sitting in a 4x4 office/closet.
but, the knowledge is there, if and when i ever need to use it.

of course, nobody can know everything there is to know in the world, but there are certain things that we are all expected to be knowledgeable about; the Modern Canon of Western Civilization.
basically, it's the stuff we all need to know to at least win one day on Jeopardy.
my areas of expertise range from Magneto to Batman to Star Trek to all different kinds of dog breeds but there is a whole wide world of stuff that i just don't know dick about.
as follows:

i have never seen Titanic.
i don't really have the slightest interest in seeing it, either. they hit an iceberg and die. i get it.
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i have never seen The Lion King.
though i might have seen the first forty minutes or so, in French, in a French class in high school.
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i have never seen Blade Runner, though, i am familiar enough with the story.
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i have never seen Lost.
i hear that it is one of the best TV shows ever made but that it shits the bed really, really, hard in the end and i don't want to set myself up for disappointment.
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i have never seen an episode of Friends.
i always thought that there was a Seinfeld/Friends dichotomy and i have always been squarely a Seinfeld man.
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i have never seen any kind of anime, Naruto or Dragon Ball Z or any of that shit.
i take my cartoons America. it is my form of patriotism.
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i have never read any of those old English romantic novels.
not, smut like 50 Shades Of Gray, i've read all three of those, somehow, but, like Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering Heights and Jayne Eyre and that shite.
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i've never read Gone With The Wind, either, or seen the movie.
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i can't really tell the difference between The Rolling Stones or Led Zeppelin most of the time and i don't think either one is worth all that much.
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i don't have any idea what the difference is between Van Halen with David Lee Roth and Van Halen with the other guy.
i know that used to be a thing in pop-culture, though, it might not be anymore on account of most people who had those kinds of opinions have died from being old and/or lame.
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i don't follow any current Black pop stars.
i like the Wu-Tang as much as any upper-middle class suburban kid in the 1990s with Jewish parents, but hip-hop hasn't been good since Biggie died.
new music is never as good as when you were a teenager.
i know Kanye West is a piece of shit, but i don't think i can intelligently discuss the quality of his music.
i know Beyoncé is the biggest thing in the fucking world, though i'm not all that sure why.
i mean, she's talented, sure, and the songs she makes that find their way down the long road into my pop-culture bubble are catchy and good enough, but i know some people treat her she's the best thing to ever happen to anything, and i'm not really clear on why that is.
Rihanna is pretty popular, too, but if i have an opinion about her, i think it's negative.
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i've never played a multiplayer video game.
growing up i enjoyed Zelda and Mario as much as any overweight kid in sweatpants but that enthusiasm for video games didn't follow me past puberty, thank goodness.
as an adult i enjoy the occasional Arkham Asylum or Grand Theft Auto when i have six-to-eight weeks with nothing to do, but i've never gotten into the kinds of video games that you have to play with friends on the internet.
Call of Duty or Warcraft or Minecraft or whatever.
i know that Steam is a thing where people can buy and sell video games, but i suspect that there is an entire culture around it and i don't know what that is.
i also know that there is a larger 'gaming culture' and that it is largely tied in with misogyny and hating women, somehow, though i'm not sure how or why i should care about any of it.
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i only just learned fairly recently that YouTube is a thing people take seriously.
of course i used YouTube from time to time, mostly to watch a music video of a song i like from back when music videos used to be a thing.
i always assumed all the rest of the stuff on YouTube was just teenage girls dancing around to pop-songs in their underpants, which has it's own kind of appeal to certain kinds of people, but wasn't anything anybody needed to be knowledgeable of.
but i was surprised to find out that there are people who go on YouTube and become full-blown pseudo-celebrities, somehow.
a Swedish guy named PewDiePie talks about video games and a gal named Lacy Green talks about feminism [maybe? or sex ed.? or both?]
just recently, within the past few weeks, i was further surprised to find out that some of these YouTube celebrities make actual money, like, hundreds and thousands of dollars per year.
good for them, but, holy shit, if i knew being a shit on the internet could make you famous somehow, i would have turned this bullshit LiveJournal into a YouTube years ago.
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i don't know a fucking thing about internet culture, outside of the 4Chan.
i like the 4Chan, i get a kick out of it and i spend a fair amount of my online time [or my time when i'm supposed to be writing, or doing Law School work] clicking back and forth through the different 4Chan pages that i enjoy, but outside of that, i don't know what the fuck the internet is for.
i feel like i have a grandparent's understanding of the limits of Face Book and what it can do, but then you've got Reddit and Tumblr and Instagram and Twitter where people congregate and hang out, and i don't have the slightest idea what happens there.
and then you've got Black Twitter which is a whole 'nother level of shit that i just don't engage with.
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we live in a culture where memes have great currency and hashtags are important.
i have never used a hashtag in my life and i'm not a hundred percent clear on why i would want to.
i see a spectrum of meme culture though the racist, horrible skew of the 4Chan, but there is a more broad, more socially-acceptable world of memes that i am totally ignorant to.
just last week i learned “yaaaaaas queen” was a thing people say, though i don't know why.
also, saying “bye, Felicia,” like from Friday, was also still a thing people say, somehow.
i feel like by the time those memes trickled their way down to me they're already out of hip cultural currency, but Friday was popular in 1995 so who is really the one behind the times?
me. it's me.
it's going to be me from here on out.

//[ab irato ad astra]
xtitsx: (Default)
( 23 Jul 2017 04:02 pm)
Iron Fist:
Iron Fist is a part of the Marvel Television Universe On Netflix.
i assume it is also a part of the larger Marvel Cinematic Universe, and the Marvel Television Universe on ABC, but they never really refer to each other.
the Marvel Television Universe On Netflix consists of five different shows; one each about Daredevil and Jessica Jones and Power Man and now, apparently the Iron Fist, plus The Defenders where they all team up to fight crime together.
as a guy who takes comic books seriously, i am fairly knowledgeable about Daredevil and Power Man, and at least moderately conversant about Jessica Jones.
i don't know dick about the Iron Fist.
Iron Fist is a pretty deep-bench character but there are thousands of comic book characters on Marvel's repertoire and goddamn if the people at Disney are gonna stop until they turn a buck out of each and every one of them.

Iron Fist is a show about a White guy who does karate.
i am fairly certain that when plans for an Iron Fist series were announced, Certain People On The Internet got all upset that it was going to be about a White guy.
they wanted Iron Fist to be an Asian who does karate, but, that's not what the comic book is about.
the comic book is about a White guy, and you can't just go changing people's races.
also, why does it have to be an Asian who does karate? isn't that shit a little racist itself?
people just like having things to be upset about and the internet has been great about facilitating that.

anyways, despite some initial grumbling, Iron Fist is a show about a White Guy Who Does Karate.
the White Guy was the son of a billionaire whos plane crashed, killing his parents and leaving the White Guy to be raised by karate monks in a secret karate land in the Himalayas.
[the Comic Book world has an almost-comfortable fetish for sons-of-billionaires.
like if they can't think of a cool superpower for a character to have, they'll make their superpower be money and often years-and-years-of-training-in-the-Orient.]
anyways, after fifteen years of learning karate in karate land, the White Guy returns to Manhattan hoping to reunite with his childhood friends.
he finds that his childhood friends are running his billionaire parents' company and that their dad, the White Guy's dad's business partner, is some kind of evil super-villain living in a super-villain lair, up to some super-villain shit.
also, the White Guy's company is in league with a group of evil Ninjas who are also up to some super-villain shit.
the Evil Ninjas are using the White Guy's company to manufacture and distribute heroin which seems kinda small-time for a gang of international criminal Ninjas but, okay, fine, whatever.
so, the White Guy goes about getting control of his company back and disrupting the heroin trade and fighting off Ninjas with karate.
he also gets himself a little karate girlfriend because she gave him a few dollars one time, thinking he as homeless and he just kept bothering until she decided to accept him into her life.
despite her telling him several times to leave her alone and him refusing, which was pretty creepy.
anyways, all this goes on for a while until eventually the White Guy has to go fight his dead dad's super-villain former business partner who is also trying to control the business.
he wins the fight obviously, with karate but it turns out that while the White Guy was in Manhattan fighting New York Ninjas, some other Ninjas went and raided his secret karate land, killing off of his karate monk friends, the end.
which means, christ there is gonna be a Season Two of this shit?

Iron Fist was not good.
the premise is boring, nobody gives a shit about karate, and all the times that the main character would be doing Falun Gong poses or have to go 'balance his chi' were superfluous to the point of being silly.
the main character was played jut about as unlikable as possible with a kind of autism which caused him to spazz out sometimes for no ascertainable reason.
also, as noted above, the White Guy's relationship with his karate girlfriend was uncomfortably inappropriate and tone-deaf considering the culture of affirmative consent that we live in today.
like all Marvel Television Universe On Netflix shows so far, Rosario Dawson was there, hanging around for reasons that are never really explained.
she is just some pleasant, mixed-race lady who happens to meet Daredevil and Jessica Jones and Power Man and now the Iron Fist throughout the course of her days living in New York City.
i assume she exists to eventually put them all in contact with each other for the Defenders series, but, the odds of her meeting all of these people sure are slim.
for being a poorly-told story about a cliché, for the main character being profoundly unlikable and for stretching the limits of my ability to give a shit Iron Fist earns a 3.7/10.

Legion:
i don't know what the fuck cinematic or television universe Legion is a part of.
the TV show says it was produced in association with Marvel, but Legion the character is the retarded son of Charles Xavier and Fox owns the legal rights to X-Men stuff.
which is why Legion is a show on FX.
i don't think Legion is a part of the X-Men movie universe, though.
which is probably a good thing because the X-Men movie universe is a goddamned clusterfuck.
how do you fuck things up so bad, Fox?
as far as i can tell Legion exists in its own closed universe which is almost disorienting in a world where everything has to be a part of a larger marketing scheme.
it took me several episodes of trying to fit all the different characters in Legion into X-Men lore before i eventually said 'fuck it' and just went with the story the series was trying to tell.

Legion is the story of Charles Xavier's retarded son who gets put up for adoption to be raised by regular people.
Legion grows up having a series of freak-outs and eventually gets diagnosed as a schizophrenic because he keeps hearing voices in his head, on account of being a super-powered telepath.
it probably would have been much better for Legion if he grew up with his biological dad who could have taught him how to use his great and terrible powers, but i guess in this universe, Charles Xavier is a wheely deadbeat and had other shit to do.
Legion gets locked away in a mental institution where he lives for six years until one day some other girl gets committed and they decide to fall in love.
some shit happens because the girl has the power to switch bodies with people and that causes an explosion at the mental home.
the Government turns up to take Legion and his girlfriend away but a team of Super-Powered Mutants Rights Activists Who Are Not The X-Men turn up and rescue them first.
Legion and his girlfriend go somewhere That Is Not The X-Mansion and meet a lady Who Is Not Professor Xavier and they set about trying to teach Legion how to control his powers.
you know, like the X-Men do.
it turns out, though, that Legion is a bit of a mess, he has been infected by the Shadow King, which is the only other link to X-Men lore in the story.
the Shadow King is a telepathic monster who Professor Xavier defeated in a big telepathic fight when they met in Egypt back in the 1970s but i guess Professor X didn't kill the Shadow King, he just cracked his coconut and the Shadow King was able to slink away and take refuge inside young Legion's mind.
the Shadow King manifested itself in several evil ways inside Legion's mind including a papier-mâché school boy, a great big fat misshapen man, a beagle and Aubrey Plaza, of all people.
the Shadow King spends several episodes trying to resist the Not-X-Men's attempts to help Legion, sending Legion and his girlfriend and the rest of the Not X-Men into a make-believe world where they question their own reality for a while.
eventually, Legion and his girlfriend and the Not-X-Men are able to overcome the Shadow King's bullshit with the help of some other fellow with telepathic powers who has been locked away in a mental ice cube for thirty years but before the Not-X-Men can destroy the Shadow King for good, he is able to make his escape inside the other telepathic fellow because Legion's girlfriend fucked things up, the end.

normally i hate when TV shows do dream episodes and Legion was basically just one whole season-long dream episodes.
the storytelling jumped around, there were no physical rules governing the environment at any given time, you never knew what was really happening and you spent the entire season worrying that the main character could wake up back in the mental home and this was all his daydream or some other insulting bullshit like that.
questioning reality is cheep storytelling that i normally cannot abide but, in this case, they were able to do it right.
once you commit to just go with it, to experience the cacophony of noise and flashing lights that is often on the screen you find yourself enjoying the process.
also, Aubrey Plaza is a fucking delight. you could call her a national treasure if weirdos were a nation.
[the PSE says that Aubrey Plaza has made plenty of bad movies too but since i don't watch shitty comedies, all i get to see of Aubrey Plaza if quality work.]
for doing the dream episode right, which is really, really herd to do, and for Aubrey Plaza being a fucking darling Legion earns an 8.0/10.

//[ab irato ad astra]
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July 2017

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