last Sunday morning i woke up to the sound of my alarm at 8:36am.
i sat in bed in a stupor for several minutes like i normally do before i got out of bed.
the Monster came bounding out of her box underneath my nightstand at the first sight of my feet hitting the floor, excited to start a new day.
we went out to the living room and the Monster wagged at me and i pet her and wished her good morning and asked her how she slept.
then, after a few minuets of that i asked her if she wanted a walk.
the Monster replied with more excitement and some prancing around.
what the PSE and i want the Monster to do is to go scratch at the front door to let us know that she has to go out but she just doesn't do that.
the Monster will scratch at other doors when she wants them opened, just right now she scratched at the door to my office/closet to let me know she wanted to come and sit in the pile of blankets under my desk, but despite all of our best efforts [and what should just be basic dog logic] the Monster simply refuses to let us know when she needs to go out.
instead she waits for us to ask and then jumps around excitedly at finally having the opportunity to go relieve herself.

the Monster and i went out on the morning walk without a leash.
lately i haven't been leashing the Monster when we go out in the mornings and afternoons.
the Monster isn't very trustworthy, she has a problem running after dogs and cats, but my thinking is that during the day it's too hot out for all the neighborhood cats, they're all off taking refuge from the sun wherever they go, so the possibility of Monster finding something to chase is decreased.
during nighttime walks, or if the PSE and i take a larger walk around the neighborhood, then the Monster will be on a leash.
or if the PSE comes with us because the PSE is more of a stickler for leash policy they i am.
but i figure it's nice for the Monster to be able to walk around without having to be tethered to me with a four-foot string.
my permissive parenting came back to bite me on the ass.
and the Monster in several other places.

we walked about halfway around our apartment building and were approaching a stretch of grass where the Monster likes to poo when all of a sudden she took off running.
she ran out of the apartment parking lot and i didn't see where she was going.
i wasn't too concerned. what usually happens is that whatever cat she was chasing would outrun her and the Monster would come back soon enough, exited and happy.
i would leash her and give her a disappointed talking-to and the Monster wouldn't give a shit and we would continue on our business.
i started walking in the direction that the Monster ran, at my regular casual pace, too cool to go chasing after my dog like a schmuck.
but then, still out of sight, i heard a commotion and a scuffle and dog-fighting noises and a woman shrieking “Come Get Your Dog!!!!” with terror in her voice.
i ran around the corner to find little Monster in the jaws of some kind of large white dog being thrown around.
i thought the dog was a Pit Bull and i assumed it was going to tear Monster in pieces.
the dog turned out to not be a Pit Bull but some kind of a Husky-mix, but it was vicious all the same.
the Husky-mix slammed the Monster down to the ground and she got out of the thing's jaws and ran around the pregnant Mexican woman who was with the Husky-mix and took off across the street seeking safety, yelping and crying all the while.

i caught up to the Monster and picked her up and held her and checked her for damage.
the scruff of her neck where the Husky-mix had her was wet with slobber but didn't seem to be punctured.
i squeezed her legs and applied pressure to her chest and she didn't wince in pain like anything was broken.
there didn't seem to be any other bites or any other damage, though, when i finally put Monster down to walk home she had a pretty bad limp in both of her back legs.
inside the house, upon a more through check, i noticed the Monster was all bruised on her chest and had two small bloody spots on the inside of each of her back knees.
i don't know if the Husky-mix bit her there or if it was from scraping them against the sidewalk or what?
the bloody spots weren't deep or serious, they were little more then scratches and they weren't really bleeding so much as just a pair of red marks but it was still terrifying.
i washed the area and slathered it with antibacterial ointment but the Monster's knees are covered in fur and i don't know how well the ointment got into her cuts.

before we went home to dress the Monster's wounds i stood in the parking lot for a while, trying to find a reason to be upset.
i watched the Pregnant Mexican Woman and her vicious Husky-Mix walk down the street without saying a word to us.
another guy who was out in the street saw what happened and called over “is he okay?” assuming the Monster was a boy.
“i dunno? i think so” i answered, and continued to stare daggers at the Pregnant Mexican Woman and her savage beast.
after a few minutes she walked back up the block and noticed me staring at her and asked “is he okay?” more out of something to say then any real concern.
then she followed up with finger-pointing “your dog just came running at us!
my dog is just really overprotective because i'm pregnant!”
no, lady, your dog is a violent thug but, of course, i couldn't really blame the woman.
the Husky-mix was on a leash, walking on a public sidewalk, minding its own business and the Monster came charging at it, hyper aggressive like she is with other dogs.
i had nobody but myself to blame. and the Monster, too, of course, for being a fucking idiot.

the PSE is always yelling at me not to let the Monster walk around off the leash.
i don't listen to her because i'm a fucking asshole.
the Monster has proven time and time and time again that she cannot be trusted to be a good dog off a leash but i keep wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt.
i keep thinking 'if i was a dog, i wouldn't want to be on a leash' and that it's a sign of a good friendship when dogs and their people can walk side-by-side without one having to be restrained by the other.
but all my empathy and egalitarianism doesn't make up for the fact that the Monster's brain is the size of a walnut and twenty, forty, sixty percent of the time she's just running on impulse and instinct.
i need to accept the Monster's limitations.
because i didn't accept the Monster's limitations last Sunday morning my little baby idiot got hurt.
not too bad, scraped knees, a few day's worth of soreness and a bruised ego, but still.
next time it could be much, much worse.
either the Monster or i need to learn a lesson from this and the odds are it won't be her.
the Monster is going to have to be on a leash at all times when she's outside, no exceptions.

//[ab irato ad astra]

October 2017

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